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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345315">The Final Days of Our Youth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireflySong/pseuds/FireflySong'>FireflySong</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Until Dawn (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Kissing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avoidance, Bad Coding Practices, Bread puns, College, Cross my heart, Crying, F/M, Fluff, Humor, I promise, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Studying, Yes yes it is, is this completely based on a dream i once had, just so much crying, just workshopped to hell and back?, man did this fic just take a u-turn from fluff and humor to angst huh?, watch me as i add tags that really don't fit with the earlier chapters lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:34:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25345315</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireflySong/pseuds/FireflySong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>People do crazy things when they're tired. Some add salt to their coffee instead of sugar. Others are liable to crash on any surface that is vaguely horizontal and not completely covered in hornets. And some people accidentally kiss the person they've had a secret crush on for years.</p><p>Wait, what?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ashley Brown &amp; Chris Hartley &amp; Josh Washington, Ashley Brown &amp; Original Character(s), Ashley Brown/Chris Hartley, Chris Hartley &amp; Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Cross My Heart (Twenty-Three Times)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIcyQueen/gifts">TheIcyQueen</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/fudgeroach/gifts">fudgeroach</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Alright. So. Just putting this out there. This was supposed to be a oneshot. I had it seperated into four different sections, and considering the first section ended at nearly 10k words, that clearly isn't going to happen anymore. No promises on when the next three chapters are gonna make their appearances though. Sorry. I will be trying to post little teasers of the new chapters as I write them every Wednesday on my tumblr (love-fireflysong) if you're interested though!</p><p>Also, this entire thing is entirely TheIcyQueen's fault. She know's what she did to endure this. So she can have it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the soft buzz of his phone vibrating gave him a start, Chris was only sort of convinced that he hadn't managed to fall asleep infront of his computer screen. He blinked slowly a couple of times, the first to clear his eyes of the lines of code he was sure was now imprinted onto the back of his eyelids, and a second time simply because he was suddenly aware of how dry they were. He didn't want to know how long he had just been staring at the LCD screen of his laptop to cause them to be this dry. His eyes also felt especially heavy, but he blamed that on the fact he had barely slept in the past three days. He rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses, both to try and clear the sleep and in a effort to hide his yawn from his table mates and checked his phone. And couldn't help the sleepy smile that formed when he realized that Ashley had been the one to message him.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">We still on for tonight?</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>It took Chris a moment to decipher what in the world she was talking about. For a hot second he had began to wonder if he actually had managed to fall asleep at his laptop, because only in his dreams did Ash ever send texts like this to him. But he was able to fight through muddled fog that was his sleep-deprived brain and parsed together that she was obviously talking about the studying for the upcoming finals that he, Josh, and Ash had done together every year since they met in middle school.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">yeah of course</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">can't think of a single thing i would rather be doing then studying for finals</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Oh haha. Very funny.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">But that does bring me to the next question...</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Where are you??????</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I stopped by your dorm but Josh said that you were already gone by the time he got up?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Which we both know is just so wrong in so many ways.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">You never willingly wake up before noon if you can help it.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">lies and slander</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i have classes that start at 10 5 days a week</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">so i am always up before noon</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Haha. No. I can't count the number of time I have had to practically drag you out of bed in order to get you to high school on time.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">And Josh is telling me right now that he basically has to literally push you out of bed or lead you out the door with coffee every morning. So lets try this again.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Where</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">are</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">you?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">at</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">the</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">library</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">???????????????????????</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Who are you and what have you done with Chris?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">wow</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">rude</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i do know how to read a book you know</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I think Ms. Jenson would have had a few things to say about that.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">again wow</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i didnt realize that this was shit on chris hour but ok</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">go off I guess</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Idiot</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Chris knew he was practically beaming like some love-sick idiot now but he was too tired to care, and looking up at his group, it seemed that they didn't notice or care about what he was doing either. Across from him, Ryan had practically deflated across the entire table, his arms stretched out past his head as his face was pressed into the worn and stained wood of the library table. He was making some sort of sounds, but with his face pressed into the table like that it was hard to tell what exactly they were. Though in his practiced opinion, Ryan was either sobbing in distress or humming Yankee-Doodle. Either or. To Chris's left, Lisa had her cheek pressed firmly into her left hand as she emotionlessly scrolled her mouse through what he was assuming was the same pages of code on his own screen. Though the familiar faraway look in her eyes as she did so hinted that her mind was anywhere but the screen in front of her, much less in the same room as them. Across from her, Toshi seemed to be the only one of the four of them actually doing any work. He had his earbuds in both ears, Chris could vaguely her the synth of the techno he liked to listen to when he was studying, and one hand gripping his forehead as he frantically flipped through the pages of one of their programming textbooks. By the way he was constantly mouthing 'what the fuck' over and over as he did so, he wasn't having much luck finding anything that would help them out. So, with nothing to lose, Chris turned back to the conversation on his phone.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">and why</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">may i ask</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">You may.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">well thanks for your permission i guess</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">didn't know i needed it</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">not so sure i want to ask now anyway</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">seeing as your just being so rude right now</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">You're*</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">WOW</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">OK</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">this conversation is officially over</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">good bye miss brown</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i am now deleting your number</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i would wish you the best in your life but a seeing as your a grammar-nazi now</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i don't think you deserve one</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">oh. my bad. YOU'RE a grammer-nazi</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I'm sorry!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Please come back!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I'll stop I swear!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">im sorry but who is this?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Chris.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">wow is your name chris too?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">what a co-inki-dink!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">wait</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">how did you get this number?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">GASP</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">are you a stalker??????</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Chris!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I said I was sorry!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I'll make it up to you later, okay?</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Chris was suddenly really, really glad that everyone else at the table was too distracted to notice the fact that his face had turned a fairly exceptional shade of red. He didn't know how he would have explained it off other wise. One possibly romantically charged text was one thing, but a second, even more sexually charged text in the same conversation?</p><p>Maybe he <i>had</i> fallen asleep after all.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">fine</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">but im keeping you to your word on this got it?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Got it. Understood. Scout's honor.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">please</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">if you were a scout then i was in little league</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">try again betrayer</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="emoji1"></span>?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji2"></span></span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"><span class="emoji3"></span></span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">the contract has been sealed</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">do you still wish to know the truth?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">the truth of why i have placed myself in this boring prison of nothing but books and admittedly excellent wifi?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">The library is not boring! Just cause you refuse to read past a second grade level doesn't mean everyone does!</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">Ash.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">Ashley.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">light of my life</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">flower of my heart</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">my moon to my stars</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">*insert other flowery expressions of affection here*</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Saviour of Chris's English grade.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">saviour of my english grade</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">you are among my dearest and best of friends</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">but you are insane</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">i have been forced in here everyday</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">for 4 days now</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">and each day has felt like an entire lifetime</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">this is why i have made it my mission to save you from this place</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Why am I still friends with you again?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">because if it wasn't for you josh and i would probably be dead in a ditch by now?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">The fact that not only did you come up with this that quickly, but you're absolutely right, terrifies me.</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">But you still haven't answered my question!</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Chris frowned, knowing now that there was going to be no way to avoid the question anymore. He knew Ash too, the moment she realized that he was texting her instead of working the conversation was over. Which was a big, old shame because that meant he was going to have to get back to work and he was sick and tired of staring at the same lines of code over and over again with nothing to show for it.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">fine fine fine</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">you win</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">ive been trying to finish off a project</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">You mean the big end of year final project you've been working on for over a month now?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">that would be the one</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I thought you said that you were almost finished with it?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">we are</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">some final updates and adjustments killed it</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">bugs are a bitch and errors are the bane of my existence</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">Isn't that due in another week?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">yup</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">And you've been texting me? Instead of working?</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="typing-indicator"><span></span><span></span><span></span></span>
</p>
</div>Ah, there it was. Conversation was as good as over now. But before he could even think about replying, Ashley had already sent him another text.<br/><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">I'll see you later.</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>And now it was done. Finito. Kaput. Dead in the water. Just like him and his grade if they didn't figure out what the hell had caused the previously working project to shit the bed like it had. Sighing tiredly, he put his now dark and silent phone down and rubbed at his face.</p><p>"So, be honest with me here. On a scale of one to ten, how are fucked are we?"</p><p>It was enough to wake the others it seemed from their own worlds. Lisa blinked a couple of times and shook her head to clear it of whatever cobwebs she had managed to collect and Toshi removed his earbuds to slump over the back of his chair and rubbed at his own, sore eyes. On the other side of the table, Ryan's voice was muffled as he groaned in response to Chris' question, but didn't lift himself from off of it. "I don't know man, a fucking thirteen?"</p><p>Lisa rolled her eyes and poked at his shoulder next to her laptop. "You know, sometimes I think you would have been better off in theater with Jesús than stuck in CST with the rest of us smucks."</p><p>From the table, Ryan turned his head but didn't sit up as he narrowed his eyes to look suspiciously at her. "Is that supposed to be a crack at my sexual orientation? If so, not only is that extremely rude but you need way better material. I am <i>suffering</i>, and you're making weak jokes about me being <i>gay?</i> No wonder Chris helped you write the script."</p><p>Toshi sighed still slumped over the back of his chair, but he turned his head to regard his companion with a flat stare. "She was clearly pointing out the fact that you turn into an utter ham at the slightest inconvenience. Now sit up." Chris noted that Toshi elected to ignore his own advice and stayed slumped in his own seat.</p><p>Also ignoring Toshi's request to fix his posture, Ryan turned to him instead with utter betrayal. "A ham? <i>A ham?!</i> Now you're poking fun at my last name too? I thought we were all friends here, but instead I'm surrounded by traitors and backstabbers. This must be how Caesar felt when he got stabbed, like, 19 times or whatever."</p><p>"Twenty-three."</p><p>"I don't need your <i>sass</i>, Lise!" Ryan paused for a moment, and then seemed to understand the importance of the number, turning his face back into the grain of the wood and sobbing dramatically. "Oh God! Not twenty-three, not that stupid, stupid number again! I've decided that that number is now illegal and can't ever be used or said again."</p><p>Chris raised his eyebrows amused with a yawn. "Aren't you and Lisa both 23 years old?"</p><p>Ryan raised his head enough to stare at all three people around the table with him with horror. "Et tu Brute? I thought you were different man. That's it, I'm changing history. Not only was Caesar stabbed 19 times, but you three were there holding the knives as well. Done. No take backs."</p><p>"Not possible," Toshi interjected. He sat up from his slump and rested his elbows on the table while cradling his head in his hands. "I'm a man, but not white. And Lisa—while white—is not a man. So neither of us would have been allowed anywhere near the senate." He turned and looked at Chris, regarding him with an upturned eyebrow. "Chris would have been fine though."</p><p>"Wow, thanks for throwing me under the bus there. Really appreciate it."</p><p>"He does have a point though." Lisa looked up into Ryan's smug look of pride and everyone else's incredulous stares and quickly backtracked. "Not about the Caesar thing, that was just nonsense. I mean this—" she ignored Ryan deflating next to her and stabbed a finger angrily at her computer screen "—stupid thing. Twenty-three. Every. Single. Fucking. Time." She punctuated each word with a stab of murderous intent at the offending code in front of her. "How does that even keep happening?"</p><p>It seemed that this was the reminder everyone else needed, Chris slid down in his seat and stared depressed up at the tiled ceiling of the library while Toshi just let his shoulders slump in defeat and let out a string of curses. She wasn't wrong. They had been at this debugging stage for nearly three days now and they still hadn't managed to locate the problem. Hell, this was problem was so big that it was the entire reason Chris hadn't slept much, if at all, in the last three days.</p><p>"Okay, okay. Let's work backwards through this."</p><p>Ryan groaned again from his spot on the table that he collapsed back onto. "We've been through this a million times already, Tosh! It still hasn't helped!"</p><p>Still staring at the ceiling, Chris rubbed at his tired eyes behind his glasses. "Well, we know that the code was working fine until four days ago. Aside from the occasional syntax issue and the docked points we would have gotten for our code formatting, we were smooth sailing."</p><p>"All of which would have been Ryan's fault might I add. I swear I have never seen code written so, <i>so</i> badly in my life."</p><p>"Oh, fuck off, Lise. You've only been reading and writing code for a couple of years now, the same as any of us. And mine's not that bad anyways!"</p><p>"Not bad?" Lisa sputtered indignantly. "Not bad my ass! Who the hell puts all of their closing brackets in one line of code?! And refuse to separate any of their variables?!"</p><p>"It makes everything more concise! There's less scrolling if everything's on the same line!"</p><p>"Guys! Can you two not do this right now? We have way more important things to worry about then Ryan's quite frankly horrendous coding style." </p><p>Suitably shamed, at least for the moment, the two of them apologized under their breaths. Realizing that no one was gonna answer his question from earlier, Toshi took it upon himself to hold up his hand and tick off his fingers for every addition he named. "Alright. So according to our group page the last updates we made to the project were Chris posting an update to the html and css coding for the app, making the text box transitions smoother and activating most of the dead buttons. Lisa went on a editing spree and cleaned up a lot of the back-end coding to make it easier to follow and read, as well as the last little bit of story script we still hadn't implemented. Ryan submitted the last few formulas we needed to make the shopkeeper count the items in our inventory and give an accurate nuun count for selling. And I added in the last couple lists of items that were needed to finish off some of the quests. Oh, and the various loops that would be needed to run the lists in the first place. </p><p>"And we know that any error's with Chris's code would have caused some graphical issues or sending the app to the wrong page, not this number business."</p><p>Chris continued to rub at his eyes and nodded tiredly. "Uh huh. So I'm in the clear."</p><p>"I don't believe that there's any problems with the edits I made either. I made sure to re-run the program after every change I did to make sure that I hadn't fucked anything up. I even tested the new stuff with the older, un-edited shit to make sure, but there was no difference in output. Twenty-<i>fucking</i>-three every time. I guess it could be the script I added, but the error pops up way, way before its even implemented."<br/>
Toshi ran his hand through his dark hair with a sigh, ignoring the way doing so made his hair stand up on end. "So the problem either lies with my lists and loops, or Ryan's equations."</p><p>"It's not my equations!" Finally, Ryan sat up straight in his chair and glared impudently at the other three. "It's not the goddamned equations! I isolated those things and tested them like a million times to make sure that they were working properly before putting them in the program." He pointed a finger accusingly at Chris when he had opened his mouth to argue. "And of course I made sure to test them at least another two million times more when the error started. They worked perfectly fine on my computer and always gave the correct result whenever I tried. So it has to be Tosh's lists!"</p><p>"But none of the stuff I entered would even give a number like twenty-three. All that should return is just strings of words like 'bag', 'potion', 'rat tail', and so on. And it shouldn't be the number of troll dicks or whatever that you're currently carrying either! We made sure that the limit of each item capped out at fifteen!'" Toshi placed his head into his heads into such a way that he was still able to stare at his own laptop's screen in distress, as though doing so would magically fix or find the issue. Chris had tried it himself on hour 27 of no sleep to unfortunately no avail.</p><p>"Listen, I hate to say it but—" Chris took a deep breath when the others looked at him with faces filled with the same horror and dread that his probably was "—maybe the problem isn't the new stuff."</p><p>Ryan whimpered from across the table. "Don't say it, don't say it."</p><p>"...Maybe there's a bug that we never caught in the older code."</p><p>"I said 'Don't say it!'" Ryan let out another dramatic sob as he flung an arm over his eyes and draped himself over the back of his chair. "So why did you have to go and say it?"</p><p>"For once I'm agreeing with Ryan here. Do you know how many pages of code we have?" Lisa didn't wait for a response before continuing, biting at her already dangerously short fingernails. "Cause I do! We have nearly fifty pages that's what, and that's not even including the pages you've written just to make sure that the app actually works! We have almost 50 fucking pages of code and the bug could be in any one of them! We don't even have the first clue where to look or what in the new shit is even causing them to clash in the first place!"</p><p>"I know, I know! That's why I hated to say it!" As though trying to mirror Ryan from earlier, Chris took to deflating across the table, his arms falling limp to his sides as he laid his head down to stare miserably sideways at the offending twenty-three at the end of the console output. And as though it would deliver a different result than the last thousand times he tried it, moved his hand to fiddle with the touchpad on the laptop and clicked the run as button. And watched as different lines of texts and numbers ran down the console output before finally stopping, once again, at twenty-three.</p><p>In an effort to look at something different, his eyes moved to the lower right of the screen and checked the time. Only to let out a pained sigh at the numbers displayed there. It was almost two o'clock now and the four of them had been at this for nearly five hours and they still had nothing to show for it.</p><p>"Ryan!"</p><p>Like a switch had been flicked, the once dejected and depressed 23 year-old across from him straightened back up in his seat and was now beaming brightly as Jesús walked over to their table from behind Lisa.<br/>
"Hey, babe! Are you sight for sore eyes or what!"</p><p>Bending down, Jesús gave Ryan a quick kiss as the others made with their usual greetings; Chris's being an extremely lackluster "Hey." and two-fingered salute from where he was still laying his head next to the laptop. At the dejected replies though, Jesús turned to look at them. "Wow, you're all sure a happy bunch aren't you?"</p><p>Ryan let his head fall onto Jesús' chest and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist. "Just the stupid code, babe."</p><p>"You still haven't been able to fix that yet? Ouch. When's this due again?"</p><p>"In another week," Toshi answered, the same time Lisa did with a "Next Friday."</p><p>Jesús winced in sympathy. "That sucks, but if none of you mind I just gotta steal Ryan here for just a moment. I promise to bring him back safe and sound." Ryan looked up at him in worry. "Everything's fine, I swear. I just gotta a favor to ask."</p><p>Chris shrugged from the table. "Sure. I mean, it's not like we've been able to do anything since we came in this morning. I highly doubt we'll make a breakthrough in the next five minutes."</p><p>"Wow, you guys really are not having a good time huh? Wish I could help, but uh, I don't think my wide knowledge of theater and directing are gonna be much help here. Sorry." With that, Jesús grabbed his boyfriend by the arm and led Ryan out library doors where they could speak in private.</p><p>For a moment, that left Chris, Lisa, and Toshi to sit in a mournful half circle at the table, each of them staring at the code on their own screen but not moving. Normally their table was filled with the constant clacking of their keyboards as lines of code filled the screen, but it was silent. Except for the the techno still blaring from Toshi's abandoned earbuds, which, aside from neglecting to be turned off, had been conveniently placed on the table next to where Chris had decided to lay his head and he was able to hear the music in all of its electronic, synthetic glory quite clearly.</p><p>Until, that is, a decidedly more feminine voice than Jesús' broke the silence with a cheery, "So this <i>is</i> where you've been hiding, Chris!"</p><p>This time, it was Chris' turn to shoot up in his seat. His hands grabbed at the edge of the table in a death grip as he frantically tried to push down the panic that arose at her voice, but judging from the looks of confusion on the other two faces at his reaction, it wasn't working too well. Bracing himself, he brought what he hoped wasn't a pained smile on his face and turned to greet the speaker. "Hey, Ash—" he flinched at the crack in his voice "—What are you doing here?" and proceeded to barely hold himself back from smashing his head into the table. 'What are you doing here?' How sleep-deprived was he?! Ignoring the fact that he had quite literally texted her his exact location only a few minutes prior, this was Ashley Brown! Her natural habitat was the library for Christ's sake! He could count on one hand the number of times he hadn't found her just chilling in the campus library after classes. And all of them had been because he and Josh had ambushed her before she could go in the first place. </p><p>If Ashley had found anything weird about what he had said—which had been absolutely everything—she didn't show it, continuing to walk up to his table and dropping a bag of food from the fast food place nearby next to his laptop. "Figured that you probably hadn't had anything to eat if you've been here since before Josh woke up, so I decided to bring you something." Somehow, this clued Chris into the fact that not only was it two in the afternoon, but his last meal had been a pack of instant noodles nearly 24 hours ago, and he was starving.</p><p>"Oh, uh, thanks Ash." He opened the paper bag and began to pull out the burger, fries, and pop inside. He had started to unwrap the cheeseburger and paused to lift the bun suspiciously. "No tomatoes, right?"</p><p>"Of course I specified no tomatoes." She sighed. "It wouldn't kill you to have more vegetables on your burger you know?"</p><p>"It's got ketchup!"</p><p>"Ketchup is <i>not</i> a vegetable."</p><p>"No, you're right." Chris nodded, and busied himself with taking the straw and jamming it into the lid of the soda cup. "Technically it's a smoothie."</p><p>He should have anticipated the smack coming for the back of his head—and absolutely did—laughing when she connected and cuffed him lightly. "I could have been eating, Ash! What if you caused me to choke and I died right here at this table? It would be all your fault you know." He turned and looked at her in mock horror. "You wouldn't be so cruel as to leave me to haunt the library for the rest of my afterlife!"</p><p>"Oh my god. I-I just... I'm not even gonna to bother listing all the ways that you're wrong." </p><p>Without waiting for his response, she turned to grab a chair from an empty table nearby and sat down on it next to him. Then, casually as can be, while he continued to fiddle with the foil covering the cheeseburger, she leaned into Chris's arm to get a better look at the lines of code on his screen. Now, this position wasn't an unusual one for them by any means, she normally peeked over his shoulder to see what he was working on or playing at any given time, but the exhaustion he was feeling was making him exponentially more aware of the way she was leaning into him and how warm she felt than he would have any other time.</p><p>"Well?"</p><p>Chris had been so busy taking a bite of the greasy cheeseburger, hoping that the smell would be enough to distract him from the fact that Ashley was close enough that he could easily smell the shampoo she had been using since the middle of high school, that he hadn't realized she had been asking him a question. He began to really, really hope that she didn't notice the fact that his face was probably emanating heat by now. And if she did, hopefully would mistake it for being embarrassed that he currently had a very large bite of burger in his mouth. He chewed quickly and swallowed. "S-sorry."</p><p>In response, Ashley gave what he secretly referred to as one of her trademark <i>Chris-Is-A-Lovable-Idiot</i> laughs masked as a sigh, complete with what he knew without looking would be a roll of her eyes and a possible shake of the head. The bump of her shoulder against his was new though. Stealing a couple of his fries wasn't. "I want to the see the reason we haven't been able to hang out in nearly a month now. I know that you've been keeping this whole thing a secret, but seeing as I just brought you food out of the goodness of my heart, I think I deserve a look at Baby's First App."</p><p>"Well, you <i>did</i> bring food. So I <i>guess</i> I can give you a sneak peek." An understatement if there ever was one. With Ash leaning on his arm and his tired brain not letting him think of anything but how warm she was, there was no way he was gonna be able to refuse her anything. He just hoped that shoving some of the fries into his mouth was helping to hide how red his face probably was. Wiping some of the greasiness from the fries off of his fingers and onto his jeans (Ashley clicking her tongue in disappointment and disgust at the action next to him), he minimized the program with all of their failed coding and opened up the virtual machine to run the app he and the others had been building for the last month. While waiting for the application to load, he took a drink of his soda and casually held it out next to him for her to take a sip out of too. He ignored the sounds of her taking a sip through the now shared straw, the near identical faces of 'what-in-the-<i>shitting-hell</i>-is-happening-right-now' from Lisa and Toshi (who he had somehow forgotten until this moment were at the table with him) had made it extremely easy to do so.</p><p>"Oh shit, I'm so sorry! Ash, this is—"</p><p>"Oh, it's loaded now!" Poof! Other people at the table, what other people? The only person at the table now was Ash, the sight of her eyes brightening as the home screen appeared was causing his stomach to do a fairly intensive gymnastics routine with all the flips it was doing. </p><p>The app had the simple large font of the name of their game, <i>All Trades</i>, superimposed over the static clip art of an empty tavern (their four man group had a decent variety of skills, unfortunately art or graphic design hadn't been one of them). From the speakers, the slightly tinny, but upbeat, synthetic sound of a piano played. He watched with what he was sure was a dopey grin as she eagerly clicked the onto the New Game button, and the stock photo of a white-haired old man in medieval clothes appeared. "Alright, let's see what we have here..." she began to read the text that appeared at the bottom of the screen.</p><p>"'Well, hello there traveler! I don't believe we've met before. Tell me, what is your name?'" She entered her name quickly and continued to read. "'Ash, eh? Well, welcome to my humble tavern and inn: All Trades! I'm Jakk, pleased to meet your acquaintance...' Oh no. You didn't." </p><p>Chris couldn't help the widening grin that formed at the flat expression of despair on her face as she looked at the button selection they had programmed in for the gender prompt.</p><p>"Why, Chris? Just, just why?"</p><p>He took another bite of his burger and gave her a wide-eyed innocent look like he had no idea what she was talking about. He knew for a fact that she didn't believe it for a second, and just as he expected she would, gave a resigned sigh and selected the Hot Bread option at the very bottom. </p><p>"'Oh, my apologies. I should have realized that sooner, but my ryes have been getting a little moldy in my age.'" The pain in her voice was only building the more she read, while the joy in Chris's smile did the same. "'It doesn't help that I seem to have misplaced my pince-nez—butter fingers, you understand—but let's stop loafing around, shall we?' I hate you so much right now, I hope you know that. 'I assume you're here about the job posting? Oh, but of course you are! We all need to put some bread on the table, so I'll give you a test to see if you're as fresh as you look. Donut worry, it will be a piece of cake. I'll even pay you for the trouble. Can you find my pince-nez for me?'" Ash froze, just staring in silence at the next set of button prompt on the screen. She didn't read any of them out, but Chris already knew without looking exactly what was displayed there.</p><p>&gt;RISE TO THE CHALLENGE<br/>
&gt;I DON'T WANT NAAN OF THAT</p><p>Ashley just put her head in her hands and shook her head in dismay at what Chris truly believed to be some pretty quality bread puns. He didn't miss her shoulders shaking in barely suppressed laughter though. Or the way his heart soared higher with every shake. "I have made a huge mistake and am regretting everything right now. Please, <i>please</i> tell me there's a way to turn it off."</p><p>Chris smiled as he took a long sip of his drink before replying. "Nope." He made a deliberate pop of the 'p', and delighted in the flat, unblinking stare she delivered him when she removed her head from her hands. He shrugged unconcerned. "Never bothered to create a settings page."</p><p>"Are you serious? You mean I'm stuck with this, this—" she gestured towards his laptop screen as she gawked at him"—<i>affront</i> to the English language?"</p><p>"Yup, you're really in a <i>jam</i> now aren't you?"</p><p>"Oh god, I don't need you starting up too."</p><p>"Oh man, looks like your <i>toast</i>, huh? You should have known <i>butter</i> than to pick that option."</p><p>"Alright, that's it." Ashley reached over and before he could move grabbed his entire container of fries. "No more fries for you. They're mine now. If I have to suffer, than so do you." She ate a couple more of the fries, just to prove her point. </p><p>Squaring her shoulders, she made sure that the box of fries was out of his reach and after wiping her hand on a napkin, confirmed that she did, in fact, intend to rise to the challenge. Immediately, a simple text box appeared on the screen. "'Quest Accepted: Pince-nez, I'm Dreaming.'" Ashley closed her eyes and let out a pained breath, but was still able to smack Chris's hand when he took advantage to try and steal some fries back. She made a quick click on the box to close it and a pair of badly drawn black glasses appeared behind Jakk on the clip art tavern's counter. "Well, that was easier than I anticipated." She clicked on the glasses and watched as a small clip art of a completely different set of golden rimmed eye glasses with a simple chain hanging from one edge appeared in the center of the screen. "'Take the pince-nez?'" She confirmed the choice and with nothing else to do, she returned to speak to Jakk again. "'Oh, you found them already? You really are born and bread for the job!'" A second text box appeared on the screen to announce that the quest had been completed, and she couldn't help but giggle when the image of Jakk changed to now have the clip art of the glasses badly photoshopped on his face when it vanished. "'Here's ten nuun for finding my pince-nez.' What on earth is a nuun supposed to be?"</p><p>"It's the in-game currency."</p><p>"Why nuun though, it would have been easier to go with gold or..." she paused for a second, and the look on her face when she got the overlying joke was worth more than all the nuun that he had programmed into the game. "No. No no no. That's it, we're done here."</p><p>"But Ash, you're missing out on all the other quests! I mean, what about 'Needles to Say'? Or 'Get Rich Wick'? 'A Baker's Dozen'? Or my personal favorite: 'Book to the Future'?!"</p><p>She practically slammed her hand against his mouth in order to get him to stop talking. "I need you to stop. Or so help me, I swear I will dig through every single file on your computer to find the one that holds this, this—" she waved her other hand that was holding the fries helplessly "—<i>monstrosity</i> and delete it so the world will never have to know what was almost unleashed upon it."</p><p>If you had asked Chris later, he would have no idea why he decided to do what he did. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that had started to fry the 'Hey, this is a great idea!' part in his brain. Maybe it was—yeah, never mind it was definitely the lack of sleep. He couldn't think of any other reason why on earth he thought it was a good idea to press his tongue to the center of Ashley's hand and licking it like he was a friggin' seven year old. Unsurprisingly, she ripped her hand away from him and held it to her chest, while in the back of his mind he tiredly noted that her skin had tasted a little salty from the fries.</p><p>"Oh my god, what the hell, Chris?! That's so <i>gross</i>! Why would you even <i>do</i> that?!"</p><p>"Alright. That's it. I need the flirting to end, and the explanations to start now."</p><p>The sound of Toshi's voice was like a physical two foot thick barrier had erupted between the two of them, sending Ashley flying apart from him despite still being in her chair. Chris didn't have to look to know that Ash's face was probably just as red as his was now. Fuck, he knew that he was being super obvious, but he was so tired that he his <i>Talk-To-Ash-Like-A-Normal-Person</i> filter had shut off. He just had to hope that Ashley had been too absorbed in the app to notice.</p><p>"We weren't— I-I mean he wasn't— I didn't realize—"</p><p>Lisa interrupted, but there was no hiding the amusement in her voice. "Yeah, kinda picked up on that."</p><p>Ashley just gripped the edges of her beanie to pull it further over her eyes, her shoulders raising as she tried curling up on herself. "O-oh. Oh."</p><p>"Well, Chris, are you gonna introduce us or what?"</p><p>Oh, right, as the only person who knew everyone at the table, it was kind of his job. He went to run a hand through his hair but thankfully remembered the burger still in his hand before he did so. He really didn't need to add the humiliation of wearing a burger as a fashion accessory to the list of reasons his face was the same color of the ketchup that would have decorated it.  "S-sorry. This is Ash, guys. She's—" he paused for a second to work out what not to say next. He was tired enough that the terms he tended to think of her in were at the tip of his tongue. Girl I've had a crush on since junior high was one of them. Love of my life was another. Soulmate, platonic or otherwise, was a big one. He swallowed them all down forcefully. "—a friend of mine."</p><p>Toshi and Lisa both raised their eyebrows at that, or at least Lisa did. Toshi only raised a single one (show-off). "Kinda picked up on that too." Lisa reached over the table and held out her hand to Ashley. "I'm Lisa. And that's Toshiaki over there." She motioned to the other male at the table with a tilt of her head as Ash removed one of her hands gripping her beanie to tentatively return the handshake.</p><p>"You can call me Toshi though, everyone else does."</p><p>Ashley nodded, slowly coming out of her shell and lifting her beanie back up to its usual position on her head as the embarrassment passed, though her face was still pretty pink. "Yeah. Okay." She cleared her throat. "So you've both been working with Chris on the project then?"</p><p>"Yeah, we've been working on this since, what? March now?" Lisa turned to Toshi and watched him nod his head in confirmation before turning back to Ashley. "How much do you know of the project?"</p><p>"Honestly? The little that I just endured—" Ash took this moment to level a flat glare at Chris who proceeded to happily ignore her by trying to steal some more fries, only for his hand to be smacked once again for his trouble "—is the extent of my knowledge. He's been surprisingly tight-lipped about it. All I knew was that he was working with some classmates on his final project for the year and was refusing to show us anything about it until it was complete."</p><p>Lisa turned to regard Chris, who had gone back to eating his now rapidly cooling burger, with amused bewilderment. "I honestly have no idea how he managed that. I haven't been able to shut up about it myself. Well, whatever. Long story short, the four of us decided to combine our personal interests to make a project that we would all be interested in making. I wanted to do a video game, Toshi something with data management, Chris—"</p><p>"Wanted to make an app." Ashley cut in, sending a small, fond smile towards Chris, who definitely did not pink at the expression, no matter what anyone at the table would later say. "He's been wanting to go into app development ever since Josh got a smartphone not long after he turned fourteen. I honestly think you spent more time on Josh's phone than he ever did!"</p><p>Chris coughed to clear his throat and took a quick sip of soda. "Well it wasn't like my parents were gonna buy me one, Ash. Do you have any idea how expensive those things were back then? Only reason he even had one in the first place was cause Hannah wanted one, and she only got it cause Emily kept lording her's over twins' now outdated flip phones."</p><p>Toshi interjected with a long suffering sigh. "You should have done an intervention when you had the chance. He spends at least 75% of the time we're supposed to be working on that thing. You can always tell when he's texting though," he turned with a mischievous glint in his eyes to Chris, "just starts ignoring everyone else with the goofiest grin on his face. Had it on earlier in fact, just before you joined us."</p><p>Chris's grip on his burger tightened enough that his nails almost ripped the foil wrapping as the blood in his veins turned to ice. Oh shit. Someone had noticed. And worst of all, it had been Toshi. Lisa he could have easily thrown off track by claiming he had seen a funny tweet or video or something. Hell, he could have convinced <i>Ryan</i> of the same with a little more effort. Toshi, on the other hand, was not only engaged, but he had a daughter with said partner, he would have seen right through him. And clearly did so easily.</p><p>"Really, Chris?" Ash rolled her eyes with a long suffering sigh. "I don't want to know the things that Josh sends you to distract you from doing your college work. It was bad enough when you were texting me earlier, but to text Josh right after?"</p><p>Chris couldn't say whether or not he was mortified that she had just announced to the entire table that she had in fact been the one that he had been texting earlier with said 'goofy grin' on his face, or relieved that she didn't realize that they were talking about her. If the two emotions had been on either side of a flipped coin, then the coin was currently rolling around on its edge and refusing to fall over.</p><p> "But I don't care about that. What I do care about right now is finding whoever you blackmailed into writing this thing and begging for their forgiveness."</p><p>Alright. The coin had fallen finally, and it seemed that the answer he was going with was relieved, mostly in part that with her attention back on Chris, it seemed that Ash was starting to get some of her fire back. "<i>Blackmailed?</i> I could totally have written that, I'll have you know."</p><p>Ash rolled her eyes, but he was still able to catch the slight upturn to her lips as she tried to hide her smile. "Oh please. The bad jokes? The even worse puns? That was definitely all you. But the writing itself? I know for a fact that you don't even know what in the world a 'pince-nez' is supposed to be."</p><p>He bristled in mock outrage. "<i>Bad jokes? Even worse puns?</i> I will have you know that every single one of those is comedy gold! And I will not tolerate your slander of my craft, woman."</p><p>Lisa cut in with a loud snort. "Your craft? I was the one that even provided you with the basic lines. All you did was throw in a bunch of stupid bread puns, giving <i>me</i> twice the work."</p><p>Quick as a whip, Ash turned her attention to the only other woman at the table, jabbing one finger towards Chris's computer. "Wait, you wrote that?"</p><p>"Yuppers. I believed you called it a 'monstrosity', was it? Well, you aren't wrong. Thanks to him, I had to write two totally different script files to load, all for a stupid joke."</p><p>Toshi gave a sigh as he crossed his arms and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Oh, it's a monstrosity all right, but you thought the idea was just as hilarious as he did. You wouldn't have named the file 'i can finally be me' otherwise. And that's ignoring how often you would honest to god <i>chortle</i> every time you had to rewrite a line."</p><p>Chris made an insistent motion with his hand as he gestured towards Lisa, but never removed his eyes from Ashley. "At least <i>someone</i> appreciates my genius."</p><p>"Yeah, well that's just because she hasn't been forced to endure your so-called <i>genius</i> for nearly ten years now."</p><p>"Endure?!" He clutched at his heart as he gave a cry of distress. "Why must you use your words to cut me so deep? I don't know what I did to deserve any of this, but you just keep aiming below the belt with your punches today! First with your cracks about me being here in the first place and then nearly killing me. And now you insult my <i>jokes?</i> Why can't you let a guy just bask in his glory for once in his life?"</p><p>"Yeah, Ashley," a new voice cut in. "Let a guy bask in his glory for once in his life."</p><p>Toshi was the first to respond. "Oh, hey Ryan, you finished up then?"</p><p>Ryan shrugged, pulling his empty chair out and taking a seat. "Yeah. Sorry it took so long, took a smoke break while I was at it." He turned to look at Ash, tilting his head curiously as he popped the seal on the recently bought energy drink in his hand. "Surprised to see Ashley here though. You looking for Jesús or something? If so, you just missed him."</p><p>Ash didn't say anything. She had gone completely white, her eyes wide.</p><p>"Hey, you okay, Ash?" Chris asked tentatively.</p><p>"Fine," she squeaked out, before clearing her throat and continued in her regular voice, now edged with considerably more than a hint of panic. "What are you doing here, Ryan?"</p><p>It was Lisa who answered her question before anyone else could. "I mean, I told you that there was four of us working on the project: me, Chris, Toshi, and Ryan. He just happened to leave to go and talk to Jesús just before you got here with Chris's burger and shit."</p><p>Ryan turned to Chris, this time creasing his eyebrows. "Wait, you know Ashley, Chris?"</p><p>"Well, yeah. I mean we've been best friends since, like, middle school. How do you know her?"</p><p>"She comes over to my place every now and then to help Jesús out with his script-writing shit."</p><p>"Why would she do that? Wait." Chris looked back to Ashley, who had begun to jaw at the air. "Is Jesús the guy you've been tutoring every Thursday night since October?"</p><p>"I-I need to go." Ash pushed herself away from the table and stood up, frantically grabbing at her stuff as quickly as she could.</p><p>Well. Now Chris really was concerned.  "Ash? What's wrong?" He tried to stand up from the table too, but was stopped she literally pushed him back into his seat.</p><p>"Nothing! Just-just gonna go and see if I can catch up with Jesús. Need to talk to him about his writing . And I should just really let you get back to work. Been here too long anyway."</p><p>"I mean, if you're sure..."</p><p>"I'm sure. I am super, duper sure."</p><p>"A-alright then. I'll see you later tonight, I guess."</p><p>Ash didn't respond, simply because she was already on her way out of the building. Chris watched her leave, practically shoving past a couple of other students in her hurry. If he hadn't known any better, he would have sworn that she had tried to flee just now. But he did, and her fleeing just because Ryan had showed back up didn't make any sense. "Well, that was weird," he said instead, turning back to see the other two of the people still at the table giving him flabbergasted looks while Ryan took a sip from his energy drink. "What?"</p><p>"Why didn't you tell us that you had a girlfriend?"</p><p>There was a choking sound, but it wasn't from Chris surprisingly, it was actually Ryan. He beat a fist against his chest as he coughed, waving Lisa's hand away when she went to try and pat his back to help. "I'm sorry, what? The hell did I miss while I was gone?!"</p><p>"That girl came up, sat down at our table, and both she and Chris immediately started flirting. <i>Badly.</i>"</p><p><i>Now</i> Chris started choking. "We weren't <i>flirting</i>, Toshi!"</p><p>There was a snort from Lisa. "No, there was definite flirting going on. Even I could tell."</p><p>"Exactly. If even Lisa can see it, then it's pretty obvious. I mean, she didn't even know that Brandon had been flirting with her at the beginning of the school year."</p><p>"Wait. He was flirting with me? I just thought he wanted help with his math homework."</p><p>Ryan groaned loudly. "Why the hell would he have needed help with math? He's one of the top students in that class."</p><p>"I mean, we had just started our unit on boolean algebra and—"</p><p>"Not the point you two. The point I'm trying to make is that it was so obvious that even our resident love-blind aroace was able to pick up on it. So, out with it Chris. Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"</p><p>"She's not my girlfriend!" He could feel his ears burning with his blush. "We're just friends, okay! Just because I'm a guy and she's a girl, that doesn't mean we're dating!"</p><p>Lisa nodded. "You do have a point there. The world could be about to end and I still wouldn't consider even dating any of you three at this table."</p><p>"Ignoring the fact that I'm gay as all hell and Toshi's engaged of course?"</p><p>"Obviously. But that's clearly not what's happening here."</p><p>Toshi picked up where Lisa left off. "Come on, man. Once she sat down, you totally forgot that Lisa and I were even here! And she was so absorbed in <i>you</i> that she didn't even notice <i>us!</i> And when you finally did, both of you turned as red as the cherries on Lisa's dress."</p><p>Chris tried to sputter out a rebuttal, but realized he couldn't. Instead opting to slowly sink in his chair as a way to try and escape without anyone hopefully noticing. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't working too well and he was forced to endure the grilling and roasting that his three table mates had teamed up against him for.</p><p>"You even admitted that you're seeing her for a date tonight. And all three of us were here to see that!" Both Lisa and Ryan nodded enthusiastically in agreement.</p><p>"It's not a date!" Chris was somehow able to blurt out. He repeated it again, this time in a low mumble. "It's, it's not a date. It's just a study thing that the three of us have done since we first met."</p><p>"Three of you?"</p><p>"Yeah. Me, Ash, and Josh." At the blank looks on the others face, he was quick to clarify. "I've mentioned him before. You know, the guy I'm living at the dorms with. The Psych Major. He's my other best friend. We've all been meeting up to study for our finals together since I was like, fourteen."</p><p>"Ooooh. Threesome then? Kinky."</p><p>He couldn't help the snort that came out then, so strong and sudden it actually hurt a bit. "God no. Definitely not."</p><p>"Bummer. Could really gone for all the tropes. And instead you decided to only go for <i>one</i> 'Childhood Friend Romance'? Boring." Ryan shook his head mournfully, but stopped it just as quickly. "Wait. This doesn't make sense then."</p><p>Toshi groaned. "How is none of this making sense? The reason Chris didn't show any interest in any of the other people in our class isn't because he's asexual, but because he's already dating someone."<br/>
"You thought I was ace?"</p><p>"Um, yeah. Why wouldn't we? You've never once looked twice at any of the people in our classes."</p><p>"He's not wrong, Chris." Lisa gave him an inquisitive look. "I thought you were like, super ace or something. You didn't even react to <i>Kim</i>, and she's super hot. I mean, have you <i>seen</i> those arms?" She paused long enough to give a dreamy sigh as Toshi and Ryan murmured in agreement. "I wouldn't want to date her or anything, but she could snap me in half with those things and I'd thank her for it! But turns out that you're just attracted to red-headed— did she ever say what she was studying?"</p><p>"She's been helping out Jesús with his writing course, so I think she's in an English or Literature major" Ryan offered helpfully.</p><p>Before Chris could confirm or deny Ryan's claims, Lisa burst out into a series of snorts and snickers. "Are you serious? Holy shit. I didn't realize you had a sexy librarian fetish, Chris! God, everything is making so much more sense now. Computer nerds like us aren't your type, it's all about bookworms with you!"</p><p>Chris responded the only way he could: by burying his head into his arms and refusing to look the others amused faces. "This is exactly why I haven't told you guys about her. Knew this shit was gonna happen. Already get it bad enough from Josh, didn't need to add you assholes to the mix."</p><p>"Well, I don't know about you, but I kinda wanna hear what Ryan has to say now." Toshi turned to regard Ryan, tapping his fingers on his arm. "Got overwhelming evidence that the two of them are dating, or at least that Chris has a raging crush on Ashley, so how is none of this making sense to you?"</p><p>"Oh trust me, I'm not denying the raging crush part. That's pretty fucking obvious. I mean the dating part. There's no way the two of them are dating."</p><p>"Really?" Lisa leaned forward eagerly, turning so her entire body was facing him, and placing her head in her hands. "Oh do tell."</p><p>He shrugged. "Chris mentioned it earlier. Ashley's been tutoring Jesús every Thursday nights. And last night, I happened to overhear her asking him for some advice with a guy she liked."</p><p>That shut down all conversation at the table. It especially shut down Chris, who felt like his heart was breaking. Felt like he was about to break down honestly. Of course she had a crush on someone in one of her Literature classes. Why on earth would she like <i>him?</i> He was so invested in his inner turmoil and heartbreak that with his head down, he completely missed the interactions and conversation of the other three at the table. When he did finally look back up, it was to Toshi just finishing explaining something to Ryan, who was looking between Chris and the door that Ashley had left through with wide-eyes.</p><p>"Holy shit. Are you serious? She was talking about <i>him?</i> Holy shit."</p><p>Had he been less sleep-deprived, Chris might have thought to question the others further on how the hell they knew the identity of Ashley's secret crush after knowing her for maybe ten minutes when he didn't. But all he could think of how the hell was he supposed to act around her when he knew for a fact now that she didn't like him back? Especially when not only was he so tired he could barely think straight, but he was meeting up with her and Josh later tonight.</p><p>He distantly noted Toshi taking a look at his watch and swearing under his breath. "Shit. Why did no one tell me that it was past two? I gotta go and pick up Juni from daycare pretty soon. Shall we try this again tomorrow at two?"</p><p>Ryan shook his head. "No can do. Entire reason Jesús wanted to talk to me was to see if I could take his shift at work tomorrow afternoon. I'll be free in the morning and evening though."</p><p>"I can't do tomorrow evening. Juni has her dance recital then."</p><p>Lisa raised her hand. "I can't do the evening either, sorry. Gotta babysit the sibs while my parents do their church practice shit."</p><p>"Still can't believe that they have you babysitting this close to finals..."</p><p>"Nothing to be done about it," she shrugged. "It's not like they ask me all the time either. I'm the back-up of the back-up's back-up. Only get called when literally no one else is available."</p><p>"Damn it. Same time tomorrow morning then?" At the reluctant nods from everyone else, Toshi groaned mournfully. "Hope you three can figure out where the hell we went wrong before then."</p><p>"Actually, I-I'm gonna head on out too you guys. Don't think we're going to be getting anything else done today anyways."</p><p>The others turned their attention back onto Chris, who gave a large and over-exaggerated yawn at their suspicious looks. Finally, Lisa sighed in agreement.</p><p>"You're probably right. But—" she leveled a stern look at Chris as he finished packing his laptop back into his bag "—you better be going home to take a fucking nap. Because I say this will all the love in my unempathetic, black, shriveled, aroace heart: you look like complete shit."</p><p>"Yeah man, go catch a few z's before you embarrass yourself by crashing at your 'study session' tonight. Great way to make an impression." </p><p>He wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion or depression that only allowed Chris to give a lack-luster "I'll see you guys tomorrow" in response instead of the 'fuck you too, Ryan' that he wanted as he followed Toshi out of the library.</p><p>The half-eaten burger and drink that Ashley had brought for him just a few minutes prior was now left cold and forgotten on the table behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Hope to Die (In Your Arms Tonight)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ashley has returned back to her dorm, traumatized by her actions with Chris in the library. But now she has to get ready for a night of studying with her best friends, and somehow survive Josh's horrid texting.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I honestly don't know what happened with this chapter. I was doing fine, and then somehow I ended up at like 17k words. <i>I'm so sorry.</i> </p><p>But none of that is important. What is important is everyone going to fudgeroach's <a href="https://fudgeroach.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> and commissioning him <i>RIGHT FUCKING NOW</i>. This chapter would only be like 10% as cool without him somehow agreeing to draw these absolutely fabulous and drop-dead gorgeous pictures for me! They were worth every single penny I payed, and then some! So go and throw your money at him, he deserves it!</p><p>Also, you are now also being gifted this fic, Ash. May you and TheIcyQueen be lovely surrogate parents to whatever this thing has/will become.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment Ashley had returned to her dorm from the library, she had uncharacteristically dropped her bag of school books to the ground with a careless thud and collapsed face down onto her bed. She had screwed up. Man oh man, had she screwed up. It was a real doozy a mistake, a big ol' oopsie daisy, a jumbo error in judgement. Because not only had she made a complete fool of herself at the table with Chris, but there was no way in hell that he had no idea she had a huge crush on him anymore.</p><p>
Even ignoring the fact that everyone else at that table probably (read: definitely) thought she was a complete bitch—who even sits down at a table without introducing themselves or even acknowledging the other people there?!—she hadn't exactly been subtle with her flirting. One of his friends, Toshi if she remembers correctly, had even called her out for it in front of Chris! And she couldn't even deny it! Chris may not have been, but she certainly had.<br/>
</p><p>The worst part was that she hadn't even been ignoring Toshi or Lisa on purpose, Ashley hadn't even known they had been with him in the first place. She had seen Chris's stupid faux hawk from a distance, and that was it. Everything else around him had vanished. She hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in over a week, and the amount of times the two of them and Josh had been able to hang out together in the last month she could count on one hand. So yeah, she had missed him. <i>Badly</i>. Sure they still texted like all time, even when he should have been working—to both her disapproval and glee—but it wasn't the same, wasn't nearly good enough. So this morning she had spent a few hours gathering up every iota of courage and bravery inside her that she could, and squared her shoulders to march over to Chris and Josh's dorm, intent on asking Chris (and Josh, though only if he was there too) to join her for a late lunch.<br/>
</p><p>"Just go for it!" she muttered sarcastically into her pillow. "Go see him and put yourself out there. Get on the offensive and let him know that you're interested in him! He'll have to respond one way or another then."<br/>
</p><p>And how had that worked out for her? To put it bluntly, it hadn't. Chris still acted the same as he always did with her, making dorky little jokes that would have made any other sane person cringe and yet filled her with all sorts of soft and mushy feelings, and treating her like he had since they had met when she was twelve. 'Operation: Seduce (so not her word, even thinking it made her cringe inwardly and want to curl up into a ball!) the Tech-Nerd' had been an abysmal failure.<br/>
</p><p>Ash was never taking dating advice from Jesús ever again, that was for sure.<br/>
</p><p>At least she could rest easy (Hah! As if!) with the knowledge that Ryan probably hadn't known she was talking about Chris yesterday evening when he had walked in to her and his boyfriend talking . While she could only imagine how her fleeing the library probably looked to everyone once Ryan had shown up, at least her reason for leaving hadn't been a <i>complete</i> lie. She had immediately searched out Jesús once she left the building, although not to talk about his writing like she had told Chris. Instead, it was to discuss the fact that he had <i>never once mentioned that he knew Chris in the first place</i>.<br/>
</p><p>It was only after a couple of very frantic and confused minutes of panicked yelling and barely holding back her tears that Jesús had caught on to who exactly Chris was. It then took <i>another</i> few minutes of him trying to calm her down for her to believe that he had had no idea that the Chris in Ryan's group project was the same Chris that she had been telling him about since nearly November. All he had known was that she had a crush on a guy named Chris, that they had been best friends since middle school, and that he was taking a CST course. Which in most situations would have been more then enough to connect the dots, but Chris wasn't exactly an uncommon name. <i>Especially</i> in a science or technology major, where there was probably <i>at least</i> seven other people with the same name, gender be damned.<br/>
</p><p>And if Ashley was being honest with herself, if Chris still didn't realize that she had a frankly embarrassingly huge crush on him after that debacle in the library, then maybe it was time to admit defeat once and for all. The defeat that most sane people would have accepted after only a couple of months of their scarily obvious affections not being returned. Hell, with a sharp bark of deprecating laughter that was much closer to a pained groan then anything resembling a laugh, she had to admit that even the insane ones would have given up after a couple of years. But not Ashley Brown! No siree Bob! She had been trying for close to <i>six years</i> now with absolutely nothing to show for it.<br/>
</p><p>Sad thing was, this wouldn't even be the first time she had tried to give up. It wouldn't even be the <i>hundredth</i>. But every single time she tried to squash her feelings so far down that they likely ended up somewhere near the molten center of the Earth, Chris would crack one of his frankly godawful jokes or beam at her with that wide, dopey grin. And every single time, without fail, her feelings would reemerge stronger then ever, with warm flips and flops in her stomach that pushed the butterflies so far up that they would catch in her throat as she struggled not to laugh or blurt out that she really, <i>really</i> wanted to kiss him right now.<br/>
</p><p>Or anytime, really. Anytime was good, too.<br/>
</p><p>Except that was never going to happen, would it? There was no way that he <i>still</i> didn't know about her crush. If he had ever not known about it in the first place, of course. He had probably just been trying to let her down easy by pretending to ignore her desperate flirting, but she had just been so head over heels for him that she had never once clued into the fact that he had never returned her feelings in the first place. And oh, if that wasn't just the rotten cherry on top of her calamitous sundae. Her actions at the library had made her feel like an awful <i>person</i>. But this? The realization that Chris had never felt the same about her after six years, and likely still wouldn't in another six? That just made her <i>feel</i> awful.<br/>
</p><p>The sound of her phone vibrating loudly inside her book bag brought Ashley out of her depressing thoughts of despair and heartbreak. With a groan, she reached one arm out aimlessly towards her bag while she kept her face flat against her pillow, too tired and emotionally drained to move any more than that. It was only after the tips of her fingers were only able to catch the very edges of her bag that she finally rolled over to get off the bed so she could grab it. Except that by rolling over, she nearly rolled <i>off</i> the bed, and only barely managed to save herself with only the most awkward and ungraceful flailing. And that wasn't even mentioning the embarrassing sqwacking she had made when doing so.<br/>
</p><p>She was suddenly very relieved that Darcy hadn't been around to see it. Wouldn't have heard the end of <i>that</i> particular incident until they both moved out in another couple of weeks.<br/>
</p><p>With another groan, Ash reached down to grab the straps of her bag and lifted it off the ground to place it on its usual home on her desk with a loud thump. Not bothering to remove any of the books inside, also another uncharacteristic action, she instead dug around in the pocket where she liked to keep her phone, keys, and wallet hidden. Finding the familiar rectangular shape of her phone, she pulled it out and gave a long-suffering sigh when she realized that it was Josh who was trying to reach her. Probably wanting to confirm their study plans tonight or something.<br/>
</p><p>Ashley didn't even groan this time, deciding to instead whimper as she placed her head into her hands in distress. God, Chris and Josh were supposed to be coming over tonight to study! And now she was supposed to act like her heart <i>wasn't</i> breaking when they came over? Today was definitely in the running for Worst Day Ever, that was for sure. Almost beating out the time her Mom had decided to surprise her with a 'friendly outing' with the son of one of the guy's she worked with, only for Chris (and Josh) to run into them on her 'Not-A-Date'! And here she had naively thought that nothing would ever beat the insane amounts of humiliation and distress she had felt that day.<br/>
</p><p>Ignoring the impending dark cloud of doom quickly coming behind her, she turned on her phone and was instead greeted with something almost just as scary.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">i swear to u ash, troll butts are just as hairy as their heads!</span><br/>
<span class="text">i will prove it! just u wait and see!</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 4:02 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Cochise Sighting #69</span><br/>
<span class="typing-indicator"><span></span><span></span><span></span></span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Not only was Josh using proper capitalization, but he was still texting her what was likely going to be a novel. It had taken her a couple of minutes to get her phone from her bag, and the dots still hadn't left as she stared at it. Oh boy.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">69? Really?</span><br/>
<span class="typing-indicator"><span></span><span></span><span></span></span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>He was still going? Oh Lord, Ash braced herself for whatever bullshit was about to spew forth, and it turned out she didn't have to wait to much longer. Watching as, yup, that was a novel alright. With proper sentence structure and everything.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">???</span><br/>
<span class="text">After a long and dangerous expedition, the computer nerd finally returns home and retreats to his den. His hunt seemingly a failure, judging from the downcast expression on his face, metaphorical tail tucked between his legs as solemnly walks past our exceedingly handsome and especially charismatic narrator without even a glance. Without a word, he goes to sit at his desk, the messy remains of his previous meal scattered around him. Crumpled bags of chips and crushed cans of energy drinks surround him in his hovel, the only meal he's had in days. What could have gone so wrong to leave the once bright and comical nerd so empty and broken inside? Is it simply the heavy weight of impending deadlines on his shoulders? Or is it something more? Could it be that his courting rituals have once again gone unnoticed?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">...Are you done yet?</span><br/>
<span class="text">excuse u, i think that was genius if i do say so myself</span><br/>
<span class="text">and i do</span><br/>
<span class="text">i think i have a talent</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Well, I think that you've been watching too many of Sam's Animal Planet videos.</span><br/>
<span class="text">not my fault that my 2 best friends keep DITCHING me to study and work on projects and shit</span><br/>
<span class="text">leaving me to hang out with my sisters and sammy!</span><br/>
<span class="text">do u know what they do for fun ash?</span><br/>
<span class="text">nothing thats what!</span><br/>
<span class="text">ive been forced to watch videos of pandas being cute to entertain myself</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Forced.</span><br/>
<span class="text">forced!</span><br/>
<span class="text">im bored ash</span><br/>
<span class="text">and u know what im like when im bored</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Just leave the curtains and couch alone and fire-free and I'm sure you'll survive.</span><br/>
<span class="text">...brb</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Ashley couldn't help the smile that came to her face even as she rolled her eyes. He wasn't wrong though. What with finals coming up and the deadline for Chris's project rapidly getting closer, neither had been around a whole lot. Which, considering that the three of them had been attached to the hip since they had meet almost seven years ago now, was saying something. It was partially thanks to this lack of hanging out that they even agreed to continue with their yearly finals studying session, despite the fact that none of them even shared a common class, much less a major! So even if seeing Chris so soon after the Library Incident™ was going to hurt (and it would, like an insane amount honestly) she had missed her two boys something fierce. She <i>needed</i> to hang out with her two best friends, unrequited crushes be damned.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">You put out the fires yet?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">...Josh?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Do I need to call the fire department?</span><br/>
<a href="https://i.imgur.com/BkfTRvg.png"><span class="image1"></span></a>
</p>
</div><p>Honestly, the fact that he had sent her a picture of Chris didn't really surprise or shock her. He had been doing that more and more often lately. The two of them had been seeing so little of their blond best friend recently that Josh had begun to take pictures to document every moment he was able to see him, and had been sending them to her as status updates to confirm that yes, their favourite tech nerd was indeed still alive.<br/>
</p><p>Sending pics of Chris never more then two feet from his laptop. Of him asleep at said laptop, face smushed into his keyboard. Of him trying to balance a bowl of what was likely instant noodles or cereal while still typing. Pics that she always saved to her SD card, a stupidly fond smile on her undoubtedly pink face, every time one came down. This one was given the same treatment as all the rest, even as her brain chided her for it. She was supposed to be letting go of her crush, not saving stupidly endearing pics of him to her phone!<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">I'll take that as a no for the fire department then.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Also, if you are looking to get into the documentary business, I wouldn't recommend National Geographic photographer. You got your hand in the pic there.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">So maybe your idea of narrating IS the lesser of two evils.</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Even as Ashley sent the texts though, she couldn't stop the small, worried frown from appearing on her face as she got a better look at the image. He looked so <i>tired</i>, like it was taking everything in him to not fall off his seat from sheer exhaustion. She wondered how old the energy drinks on his desk were, if they were left over from last night, or if the one that had been tipped over and leaving a sticky spill on his desk had only been recently finished. She hoped as well that he had been eating more then the half-empty bag of chips on the table, too. Oh man, had the burger and fries she had boughten for him earlier been the first substantial thing he had eaten in days? She really hoped not. Had she known that, she definitely would have splurged for a sandwich or something healthier. Oh god, she had stolen his fries too, after being forced to sit through one too many bread puns! It had been funny at the time, maybe even cathartic, but now it just felt like a dick move.<br/>
</p><p>She let herself stare at the picture for only a moment longer, biting at her lip worriedly, and continued texting Josh.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">ur just jealous of my talent</span><br/>
<span class="greply">How long has Chris been looking like that?</span><br/>
<span class="text">if ur talking about his fashion sense</span><br/>
<span class="text">then years now</span><br/>
<span class="text">ive tried to help, but its a lost cause im afraid</span><br/>
<span class="text">cant believe u finally noticed now</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Can you please be serious for once in your life.</span><br/>
<span class="text">oh!</span><br/>
<span class="text">u mean looking like a pile of shit thats been baking in the hot sun for a week!</span><br/>
<span class="text">like 3 or 4 days now</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Ashley's frown only grew larger and more guilty. She had gone to see him in the library only a couple of hours earlier, so how had she not noticed the deep, dark bags under his eyes? Had she been so excited to see him in person for the first time in close to two weeks that she decided to blatantly ignore the fact that her <i>best friend</i> looked like he was about to keel over? Apparently! God, she really was a horrible person and friend.<br/>
</p><p>So with a reluctant sigh, she squared her shoulders and sent another message, hating herself even more for how much she didn't want to send it in the first place. She had been looking forward to this evening all week after all! But some things—namely Chris get a good nights sleep—were more important then her desperation to hang out with her best friends for a couple of hours.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">Maybe we should cancel tonight.</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>God, even sending it hurt more than she would ever admit.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">excuse me??????</span><br/>
<span class="text">are u canceling on me????</span><br/>
<span class="text"> on chris?????</span><br/>
<span class="text">on US?????</span><br/>
<span class="text">nope</span><br/>
<span class="text">nuh uh</span><br/>
<span class="text">not happening</span><br/>
<span class="text">we will be there in 30 min whether u want us or not</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Chris needs to sleep Josh!</span><br/>
<span class="text">no what he NEEDS is time away from his computer</span><br/>
<span class="text">and time with his besties</span><br/>
<span class="text">he aint gonna sleep here i can promise u that much</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>The worst thing was that Ashley wanted to believe Josh so, so bad. And it was working. She really, really missed them, and was liable to agree with even the weakest argument Josh would have been able to scrounge up. The fact that he was probably right, that Chris would likely spend all night at his laptop debugging instead of sleeping, was only making her shoulders sag in relief.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">just promise me that marcie evacuated ur place and we will be there asap</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Yeah, she was gone when I got here. Spending the weekend with her boyfriend I think.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">I'll never understand why you insist on getting her name wrong though.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">I know for a fact that you two have worked on projects together.</span><br/>
<span class="text">its cause shes an insufferable crazy wannabe therapist whos only a psych major cause she wants to over-analyze peoples fears</span><br/>
<span class="greply">YOU'RE an insufferable, crazy, wannabe therapist who's only a psych major cause you want to over-analyze people's fears.</span><br/>
<span class="text">well yeah</span><br/>
<span class="text">but i make it WORK</span><br/>
<span class="text">anyway this is supposed to be trash trio hours only tonight</span><br/>
<span class="greply">I don't think you'll ever realize exactly how much I hate that name.</span><br/>
<span class="text">not trash trio plus one miss marcie darcy</span><br/>
<span class="text">so we WILL cu in 30 min</span><br/>
<span class="text">once i drag cochise from his one tru luv and we pick up some snacks ofc</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Ashley could only give a fond and exasperated roll of her eyes as she put her phone down on her desk. It was out of her hands now. They were going to be here in a little under an hour (Josh may have promised 30 minutes, but she knew what the two of them were like when they had to go grocery shopping without her), so that left very little time for the one thing she had to do before they got here.<br/>
</p><p>Study.<br/>
</p><p>Josh and Chris had always teased and groaned over the fact that when ever they got to her place growing up for their study nights, that she was already neck deep in her own books. The Ashley Brown version of pre-gaming they jokingly called it. It was all for a very good reason though. It wasn't because she was a straight-A honour student (she was), or that she wanted to keep up her 4.0 GPA (also true), or that she was a huge bookworm (definitely true), but because despite being called their Final Nights, no studying ever actually took place. Not for lack of trying though, because oh did Ashley try! She would make flash cards that the boys would be able to quiz her on, had her notes all colour-coded and meticulously organized so she could have them at hand for easy reviewing. It just never happened.<br/>
</p><p>Not even ten minutes in, the three of them would be laughing at whatever video Chris had pulled up on his phone for them to watch. Or Josh would be regaling them of the adventures that he and his sisters and Sam had gone on the previous night (all highly exaggerated of course). Their homework and notes long forgotten as they spent the rest of the evening eating way too many chips and drinking way too much pop, just giggling over the stupidest stuff and bullshitting to the highest degree, before Josh would drag them over to her TV to watch whatever horror he had broughten along with him this time. And despite Ashley grumbling and complaining that it wasn't going to be her fault if they all failed, it was always the highlight of exam season for her.<br/>
</p><p>So digging back into her book bag, she extracted all of the books within, carefully cataloging in her mind which would be the courses she would need to review first, and which could be left for later in the week. Sitting down in the extremely well-worn and decades old desk chair that her dorm had come with, she set her phone off to the side and opened her Language and Linguistics textbook as she brought out her well-loved highlighter and the notebook she kept in the top drawer for her review notes. Popping the cap of the green highlighter with her teeth, Ash got to work.<br/>
</p><p>The next thirty or so minutes were spent in complete silence, broken only by the sound of the highlighter and her pen scratching across paper, or her voice as she mumbled the occasional line of text under her breath. At this moment in time, nothing else mattered but the textbook in front of her. Not her unrequited feelings, and not the fact that Chris had looked, as Josh had so eloquently put it, like absolute shit. She was so in the zone, in fact, that she missed her phone vibrating as a new message came in. Almost missed the next couple as well, if it wasn't for the fact that they had been sent within seconds of each other so the harsh buzzing went on for nearly three times longer than usual.<br/>
</p><p>Ash capped her highlighter and placed it back into the drawer, grabbing her phone to read the most recent of Josh's texts.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text">just got the snacks and are omw</span><br/>
<span class="text">should only be 5 min</span><br/>
<span class="text">cu soon</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>A quick glance at the time on her phone had revealed that she had been right, it had been nearly an hour since Josh had last texted her. Equal parts of her were curious and terrified at the implications of what the two of them had managed to buy for a simple snack run that shouldn't have taken three quarters of an hour. She had been about to send a text asking if they needed her to turn on the oven, when a new message from Josh came in.<br/>
</p><p>Ash wasn't sure which happened first, her face brightening in a shockingly vibrant shade of red, or dropping her phone to the stained carpet beneath her desk with an embarrassed squeak. What does happen next though, is her dropping her face into her hands, mainly as a way to try and smother her burning face.<br/>
</p><p>Missed hanging out with him or not, Ashley is going to <i>wring</i> Josh's neck the moment he walks through her front door!<br/>
</p><p>Leaving her face covered with one hand, she reaches the other down towards the floor and blindly searches for where her phone had dropped underneath her desk. She knows of course that she would be having a much easier time looking if she used both hands, or was even properly looking in the first place, but its taking almost all of her brain power to not spontaneously combust where she sits. After only about a minute of blind grasping, her finger nails do catch on the raised plastic etching of her phone case and she brings it back up in her shaking hand. With a deep breath, keeping her still bright red face in her hand, she turns the phone back on; hoping—praying!—that she had only imagined the image that Josh had casually sent her.<br/>
</p><p>She wasn't nearly that lucky.<br/>
</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Josh</span><br/>
<br/>
<a href="https://i.imgur.com/wgDkGME.png"><span class="image2"></span></a>
<span class="text">oh man cant believe i never sent you this one</span><br/>
<span class="text">my bad my bad</span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>She would love to ask what Josh was thinking to even send her that picture in the first place, but she doesn't even have to ask. She knew exactly what he was thinking. He was thinking 'Hey! Let's embarrass my best friend by sending her a picture of our other best friend wearing nothing but a towel! Oh man, won't that be a barrel of laughs!' It wasn't even as though he had no idea about her feelings for Chris either. Because he did. Oh did Josh Washington <i>ever</i> know about it. He had known about it since at least the fall after she turned thirteen and he found that <i>stupid</i> journal in her <i>stupid</i> drawer where she had written her <i>stupid</i> name down as <i>stupid <b>Ashley Hartley</b></i>, all because of her <i>stupid</i> crush.<br/>
</p><p>And that text of him saying that he couldn't believe he had forgotten to send her pic? A blatant lie if she ever heard (or, you know, read) one. Josh didn't just <i>forget</i> to send embarrassing pictures like this. If he hadn't sent it the moment he had taken it, it was because he had been waiting for the most embarrassing and inconvenient moment to send it to her. And approximately three minutes before he and Chris arrived? It wouldn't get any more inconvenient or embarrassing then this, that's for sure!<br/>
</p><p>Ashley could tell it was an older picture too, one he had been holding on to for at least a week if the lack of bags under Chris's eyes were anything to go by. Which, honestly, looking at the picture again was clearly a mistake. Because the more she looked at the image of Chris, towel wrapped around his waist and soap still in his hair from his frantic rush to leave the shower, the quicker the heat from her face was transferring to her heart. Filling it not with burning shock and embarrassment, but the familiar warmth of aching affection and hopeless endearment. Slowly, almost without noticing it, the hand on her face shifted so she could cradle her cheek into the palm of her hand. In the center of her palm, she could feel her lips forming into an indescribably fond and entirely too smitten smile.<br/>
</p><p>She knew that some people (ie: everyone to her chagrin) didn't understand her attraction or crush on her blond, bespectacled, smart phone addicted best friend, but this picture explained it very clearly in her eyes. It wasn't the sight of Chris wearing nothing but a towel, water he hadn't bothered to dry off still dripping off his body and—Nope! She was stopping that train of thought right there at the station! She wasn’t embarking on that return trip anymore than she already had! It was the expression on Chris's face.<br/>
</p><p>It was the way his blue eyes had lit up in excitement as he all but ran towards what she knew to be his laptop. The lopsided but beaming grin on his face. The fact that despite being in the middle of a shower, inspiration for whatever project he had been working on at the time had struck him so hard and so fast that he hadn't even bothered to grab his glasses. The implication that this wasn't the first time this kind of thing had happened, and he knew the path from the bathroom to his desk so well at this point, that they probably hadn't even been needed in the first place. It was an expression and feeling that Ashley recognized all too well, the excited panic that happened when a burst of inspiration hit and you were in a hurry to get it all down before the idea unraveled like a loose spool of thread, but she had always thought that Chris had never looked so attractive or so handsome as when <i>he</i> got that look.<br/>
</p><p>Turns out that she doesn't even have to be in the same room as him for her promise to finally drop her crush to be broken like an elementary pottery assignment. All she needs is a picture of Chris, his face filled with so much passion and excitement, for her heart to do frantic flips in tandem with the lively tango that the butterflies in her stomach are doing.<br/>
</p><p>Ashley would be embarrassed if she wasn't feeling so warm and happy right now.<br/>
</p><p>She's in the middle of debating on saving the picture with all the others Josh sends her, when there's a loud knock at the door. Like terrifyingly loud. As in 'she all but leaps about a foot up from her chair at what she assumes to be someone trying to break the door down' loud. It only takes a moment for her heart rate to settle though, it's obviously just Josh trying (and unfortunately succeeding) to scare her. She gives one last look at the image on her phone, her thumb hovering over it uncertainly, before turning it off with a huff. She'll decide what to do with it later and delete it from her messages then.<br/>
</p><p>It'll be fine, she and Chris never look through each others texts messages anyways. Josh would be the person she has to worry about, but considering he was the one to send it to her in the first place, he has all the ammo he could ever need on <i>his</i> phone.<br/>
</p><p>She takes an extra few seconds to carefully put away her notebook and pens—just to make Josh wait longer because she can—rolling her eyes when he only gives another more insistent, and somehow louder, knock at her door. When she does finally open the door with her phone safely tucked in her pocket, it's to give Josh the most unimpressed look she can manage with her arms crossed. Which, considering the amount of time she has known Josh and the practice he has given her in perfecting it, is extremely unimpressed to say the least.<br/>
</p><p>"Is there a reason you're trying to break down my door?" Ashley takes a glance at the quite frankly scary amount of bags of junk food loaded up in his arms (and the unsurprising lack of schoolbooks) and groans. "Wait, were you seriously kicking it? Oh my god, Josh—" she pauses to take a suspicious look at the bottom edge of the door. "—if you cracked it I will be telling Sophia and the building owner to just send the bill to replace the door to you."<br/>
</p><p>Even loaded under as many bags as he is, Josh only smiles widely at her. "Had to make sure you heard me. I mean, you could have been busy in the bathroom for all I know." Ash knows that her unimpressed expression has only gotten stronger from the conspiratorial twinkle in his eyes. "Speaking of, I think I sent the wrong picture earlier. Should have sent the most recent one as number 69 instead, huh?"<br/>
</p><p>She can feel the red-hot embarrassment flooding her face once again, as well as remembering her urge to strange Josh, but before she can act on her easily recognized murderous impulses, there's another more tired voice from behind him.<br/>
</p><p>"Can you please move, guys. These bags are heavy as shit."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley moves out of the open doorway to let Josh literally saunter in and place the bags onto her kitchen counter, and turns to greet Chris. She's a little surprised to see that while he is indeed carrying a couple of his own grocery bags, the rest of what he's carrying she recognizes to be his and Josh's school bags. But none of that matters when she looks up at his face and just about gasps in horror. Oh man, the picture that Josh had sent her of Chris at his desk didn't do him justice at all she's quickly discovering. The bags under his eyes are so deep and dark that he's looking like death warmed over. Eyes sunken so deep in his head and gaze so far away as he blinks slowly in exhaustion that before Ash even realizes what she's doing, her hands are already cupping his face.<br/>
</p><p>God, how in the world had she missed this earlier?!<br/>
</p><p>"Are you alright, Chris?" The stupidest question she could have asked, really. It's pretty fucking obvious that he's not. The fact that he closes his eyes and hums sleepily does more than enough to confirm her suspicions. The secondary fact that he basically drops all the bags he was carrying to lean further into her hands seals the deal.<br/>
</p><p>She drops her hands to pick up the bags he dropped, sighing in relief when she doesn't hear the clatter of glass bottles, and turns back to look at Chris who's ears have gone pink in embarrassment from dropping everything. She bits her bottom lip. "I really, really think you need to go for a nap or something."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley isn't sure if it's Chris nodding frantically in agreement, or the fact that he refuses to look at her that's making her feel worse. "Yeah, you're right, Ash. I should just go home and take a nap. Definitely a good idea."<br/>
</p><p>"Nope! It took me ages to drag you out of that dorm and you swore to me that you were gonna hang with us tonight, Cochise," Josh shouts at the two of them from the kitchen where he is pre-heating her oven. "So no backing out now. If you want to go and take a nap, then there's a perfectly good couch right over there: no lumps or anything. Hey, maybe if you're real lucky, Ash will even lend you her bed. But you are staying right here until I am good and ready to leave."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley can only let her mouth fall open in shock when she turns back to him. "You mean to tell me that you <i>forced</i> him to come here?! Josh!"<br/>
</p><p>Josh only shrugs from where he's moved to grab a box of frozen pizza from one of the bags. "Trust me, Ash, he needed to get away from there. He was spouting nonsense."<br/>
</p><p>She ignores Chris sputtering behind her to place the remaining bags of groceries on the counter top. She isn't sure if the sound of his footsteps following her into the dorm room are filling her with relief or not. She decides to ignore that, too. Instead, she turns back around to grab the two book bags he's carrying and drops them next to the kitchen table, and all but pushes him into one of the chairs there. She tries to soften the blow with her voice, though if the way he visibly flinches when he hits the seat then she clearly failed in that regard. "Just sit down and rest, alright. Do you want me to get you anything to drink?"<br/>
</p><p>"Some coffee if you got any of it," he mumbles out as he tiredly rubs at his eyes beneath his glasses. Damn, she was hoping he would ask for some water or something. Caffeine is the last thing he needs. He clearly misunderstood the look on her face if his next words were anything to go by. "Or, you know, I brought along some energy drinks if not."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley sighs in reluctant agreement. "Fine. But don't you dare move from that chair." She walks back into the kitchen to start digging through the bags of chips and pop and candy. Obviously, she knows that she could just ask Josh or Chris which bag they're in, but she's hoping that if she's lucky, by the time she finds one he'll have fallen asleep at the table. It won't be the most comfortable of sleeping positions, but at least he'll be getting <i>something</i>. Unfortunately for her, she finds a couple cans of the stuff in the second bag. And doubly unfortunate, Chris is leaning over and grabbing a couple of books out of his bag.<br/>
</p><p>"Here."<br/>
</p><p>"Thanks, Ash." He's still refusing to look at her as he takes it. She really had made a complete fool out of herself at the library, huh? So much that he can't even look at her anymore.<br/>
</p><p>She hopes that she was able to hide the hurt look on her face when she leaves to grab her own books from her desk. Though from the way Josh is looking between the two of them confused, she has a feeling that she kind of failed in that regard. Thankfully, miracle of miracles, for once in his life Josh says nothing as he takes a seat in the chair next to his own bag, though he spins it deftly with one hand as he makes the smooth and well-practiced motion of sitting backwards in it, the back of the chair bracing his chest. By the time she returns, both Josh and Chris are already deep into their own books, flipping through the pages to find where ever they had left off earlier. She is upset to also find that in the small time she's been gone, Chris had somehow managed to not only finish off the can she had handed him, but pulled out a second as well. Ashley shares a concerned look with Josh, but sits down in the empty chair she had dragged over from her desk and opens the Language and Linguistics textbook to where she had left off without a word.<br/>
</p><p>That's how the three of them spend the next twenty or so minutes. No conversation. No jokes. No funny videos. No stories. Just the soft sound of pages being turned in rhythmic tandem, and Chris placing down his—oh lord, is that his <i> fourth?</i>—energy drink onto the table. Ashley had always thought that she would be thrilled for the day that Chris and Josh would actually start studying seriously with her in anticipation of exams. And honestly? Now that it's actually happening?<br/>
</p><p>She's <i>miserable</i>.<br/>
</p><p>She'd like to think that maybe she would enjoy this more if Chris didn't look like a shadow of himself, or that Josh wasn't giving the two of them apprehensive looks (if he thought he was being sly then he had another thing coming), but she has a weird feeling in her stomach that she wouldn't. None of this is normal. When her oven beeps to signal that it's warm enough to cook their pizza, she practically jumps out of her chair in relief.<br/>
</p><p>"I got this, you two just sit tight. You want anything to drink while I'm up?"<br/>
</p><p>Chris opens his mouth, not even bothering to look up from his textbook, but to her surprise Josh butts in before he can say a word. "Nuh uh, Cochise. You have been officially cut off. Water or nothing." he turns to look over his shoulder to speak to her. "I put a few bottles of pop in your fridge when I got here. Just grab me one of those."<br/>
</p><p>She returns shortly back to the table, meat lovers pizza now in the oven, and hands Chris a tall glass of water filled with ice. He takes it without a word, just a mumble of what she assumes to be thanks, and sits back down after giving Josh his bottle of pop. She cracks open the seal on her own bottle, noting that Josh and Chris had gone out of their way to grab her favourite flavour.  Ashley's more touched then she lets on.<br/>
</p><p>Unfortunately, this means going back to her textbook and notes, and to her dismay and worry none of the others even <i>try</i> to stop her. The evening of just shooting the shit and giggling like a pair of idiots over the stupidest things that she had been looking forward too was becoming a dimmer and more distant dream as the minutes inched by. So long in fact, that she swears that it's been closer to twenty-three years rather then the twenty-three minutes it takes to cook the pizza.<br/>
</p><p>Normally she hates her oven timer. It's loud and make a sharp, cracking buzz when it goes off that manages to make her jump out of her skin every time. Now? Now it's the most angelic and beautiful sound she's ever heard. Ashley nearly cries in relief she's so happy to hear the harsh tone.<br/>
</p><p>This time, Josh is the one to stand up, pushing the back (his front) of the chair as he stands and makes a grunt as he stretches.<br/>
</p><p>"Plates are—"<br/>
</p><p>"In the cupboard to the left of the sink. Got it." Josh cuts her off as he opens said cupboard to remove three plates. Ash is about to mention that her pizza cutter is in the drawer by the oven, but he's already digging through that one as well before she can say a word.<br/>
</p><p>She's not surprised, not even sure why she tried to help in the first place if she's being honest. The three of them spend enough time at the others dorms that they know each others place just as well as their own. Ashley gets the feeling sometimes that once they all graduate that they'll just all move into the same place together. She would go so far as to say that all three of them have at some point probably thought of bringing up the idea of them just renting an apartment together for the next school year and beyond. If it wasn't for the fact that neither she nor Chris would be able to afford it of course, and that both of them are vehemently opposed to the idea of Josh paying for it all. Even if he would be able to easily afford it. So university supplied dorms it is, cramped quarters and all.<br/>
</p><p>She turns to look at Chris out of the corner of her eye, and can feel her heart sinking lower and lower into her stomach. He's been staring at the same page of his textbook for at least four minutes now, and the hand that goes up to rub at his eyes again is visibly shaking.<br/>
</p><p>She needs to talk to him. To just say something. She's known Chris for close to ten years now after all, so it shouldn't be this hard to find something to talk about!<br/>
</p><p>"Your friends seemed nice." She winces and begins to berate herself. Sure she needed a topic of conversation, but deciding to make him remember how rude and selfish she had been at the library was not quite the topic she had been hoping for.<br/>
</p><p>"Huh?" Chris looks up at her confused with the long, slow blink of the absolutely knackered, but returns his gaze back to his textbook almost immediately after. "Uh, yeah. They're pretty cool, I guess." Ashley gives a forced smile, even though she badly wants to cry at how his words are starting to slur together, and at how he's been refusing to look at her since he got here.<br/>
</p><p>She can hear Josh grunting in the kitchen behind her as he tries to cut through the pizza with her shitty dollar-store pizza cutter. "Were you four assigned to work together on the project? Or were you guys allowed to choose partners?"<br/>
</p><p>"Um. Choose. I mean, we all kinda knew each other originally from other classes. Toshi and I shared a communications class last year, and Lisa and Ryan met through our Java programming course, they were just in a different block. We all shared our math course this year though, so—" Chris interrupts himself with a yawn large enough that Ashley feels her own jaw twinge in sympathy "—so we all met each other then. </p><p>Decided that since we were all gonna go on to study different areas later, it would be fun to see what we could create with our combined skill sets."<br/>
</p><p>She remembered Lisa mentioning something like that now that he mentions it. "That does sound familiar, yeah." The talking trails off awkwardly there, Chris switching between wavering unsteadily in his seat and rubbing constantly at his sore and tired eyes, while Ash taps anxiously at the plastic bottle of her pop and gnawing a hole through her bottom lip. This had been a bad idea. Not just bringing up the library, but not fighting Josh harder on canceling tonight. Chris shouldn't be sitting at her table struggling not to fall off his chair, he should be asleep in his bed and out like an old, burnt-out light bulb.<br/>
</p><p>"Listen, maybe you should—"<br/>
</p><p>"Soups on, fuckers!" Ash is a little ashamed to admit that <i>maybe</i> she jumped a little in her seat at Josh's boisterous claim of food when he all but threw down a plate with a slice of pizza and a handful of chips in front of her. She looks over to see the same thing on Josh's plate but nearly chokes in amusement at the wide-eyed stare of Chris as he looks down at his own. It's the same food, no doubt about that, but if he has a plate it's buried under the four slices of pizza and a mountain of chips that Josh had seen fit to give him.<br/>
</p><p>"What the hell dude?! Don't you think this is a little much?"<br/>
</p><p>Josh only shrugs as he swallows down a bite of pizza and Ashley tries to hide her laughter by shoving some chips in her mouth. "I haven't seen you eat anything since you had instant noodles for lunch <i>yesterday</i>. So as your designated best friend I'm making sure that you are actually eating something today."<br/>
</p><p>"I did eat today!"<br/>
</p><p>"That bag of chips that's been living on your desk for like a week now doesn't count."<br/>
</p><p>"That's not—I'm talking about when Ash brought me a burger and some fries earlier when I was in the library."<br/>
</p><p>Quick as a whip, Josh turns to look at Ashley with narrowed eyes, an amused grin turning at the corner of his lips even as her own face starts to colour. "Did she now? Is that why you left so quickly after texting Chris? I'm hurt. Ah well." He shrugs with an overly exaggerated sigh. "Good to know that someone else is taking care of your ass, and it's nice to see that she's finally taking the initiative to start now."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley's relieved that she wasn't currently eating some chips, she probably would have started choking otherwise. As it is, all she can do is glare a warning at Josh, who doesn't seem to notice her reaction and is unfazed. Chris doesn't seem to either, despite his claims about eating only a few hours earlier, he's already midway through his second slice of pizza and is appearing to be more awake as the food (greasy and salty as it is) fills his stomach. "Lay off of her, dude. She was just being a good friend."<br/>
</p><p>Does her heart break a little at hearing him say that? Yeah, definitely. But considering the other option is that he hates her now for how desperate she was acting earlier, she'll take this one any day of the week. He still won't look at her, but at least he doesn't hate her.<br/>
</p><p>"Sure. 'A good friend'. That's <i>totally</i> all it was." She doesn't have to look to see Josh roll his eyes, it's totally audible in the way he said the sentence. "Speaking of friends, I overheard that you were hanging out with people who weren't Ash and I earlier." He makes a shocked gasp as he covers his heart in horror. "Are you cheating on us, Cochise? I thought what we had was special!"<br/>
</p><p>"I do have friends other than you two, you know."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley physically cannot help the snort that forces its way out so hard she nearly drops the bottle of pop she was holding. "No, you don't."<br/>
</p><p>"Ash!" Finally, Chris looks at her dead in the eye for the first time tonight and while he's obviously tired, there's a sparkle in his eye and a quirk of the lips that fills her with ease.<br/>
</p><p>"Oh, don't you 'Ash!' me. I'm not wrong. The three of us are social pariahs, and you know it. We would be a therapist's dream."<br/>
</p><p>"Um, excuse you, but I for one am Alan's nightmare, and I don't appreciate this slander."<br/>
</p><p>The laughter that the three of them fall into fills Ashley with so much relief that she can't even begin to describe it. This is what she had been craving all week, a night where she could hang out with her best friends and laugh and not have to worry about crushes or finals.<br/>
</p><p>"I'm gonna need you to be straight with me Ash, we were definitely more attractive then Chris's computer nerd friends, right? Everyone knows that if you're a computer nerd then you have to wear the dorkiest glasses and just have the worst fashion sense ever." Josh gestures to Chris as he says this. "I mean, case in point."<br/>
</p><p>"Hey!"<br/>
</p><p>Ashley can barely hold in her giggles. "I don't know about that. While Chris wasn't the only one wearing glasses, even <i>Emily</i> would approve of everyone else's clothing choices."<br/>
</p><p>"Wait, so you're telling me Chris was just sitting there perpetuating the stereotype when everyone else was dressed like a normal person?"<br/>
</p><p>"I am literally right here you guys!"<br/>
</p><p>"Oh come on, Cochise. You know that Ash and I are totally, 100% on-board with the fact that you just went and embraced your nerd calling, but you are a walking fashion disaster."<br/>
</p><p>Chris turned his attention to Ashley, his eyes clearly pleading for her help but she could only shrug. "Sorry Chris. But even with the glasses, Toshi had that whole 'mature, put together' aura going on and despite all the nerdy gaming pins Lisa had on her even more nerdy PlayStation bag, the dress she had been wearing <i>was</i> pretty cute. And I honestly thought that Ryan had been a theater kid the first time I met him so..."<br/>
</p><p>"Oh I see how it is. Fine. This is the thanks I get for showing you my project. I get it."<br/>
</p><p>"I think you mean 'forcing me to endure' your project, but sure, showing me. Let's go with that."<br/>
</p><p>Josh almost did I spit take with the bottle of pop he had been drinking from at the time. "Wait, you actually got to <i>see</i> the stupid thing? What the hell, man? You won't show me, your longest friend and the guy you live with, but <i>her?</i>" Josh seems to take a moment to think this through. "No, wait. I take it back. I'm not surprised. I'm still feeling hurt and betrayed don't get me wrong, but I'm not surprised."<br/>
</p><p>"If it makes you feel better, the only reason I got a peek at it in the first place was because I brought him food."<br/>
</p><p>Josh only gives a low snort and rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, staring pointedly at Chris. "Uh huh. I'm sure that food bribery was the <i>only</i> reason he showed it to you." Before she can ask what the hell Josh means by that, he's already turned his attention back to her. "Well, doesn't matter. I do need you to tell me <i>everything</i> about it though."<br/>
</p><p>"There's not much to tell honestly. There were just. So. Many. Bread puns. It was <i>awful.</i>"<br/>
</p><p>"Stop exaggerating, Ash. It wasn't <i>that</i> bad."<br/>
</p><p>Both her and Josh ignored Chris, agreeing that despite Josh never having seen it, that it had definitely been pretty awful. "Other then that, it wasn't so bad. I mean, the graphics could have used some work I supposed. It was a lot of recycled clip art and stock photos. And some really, <i>really</i> bad photoshopping."<br/>
</p><p>If Ash had been expecting any kind of reaction out Chris for that joking little jab, it wasn't the carefree shrug he gave as he stood up to grab some more food. She didn't even notice he had finished the literal mountain on his plate, and now he was going back for more? She kept an eye on him to make sure he didn't grab another energy drink though.<br/>
</p><p>"It's not all that surprising really. I mean, you two have seen my artistic skills—"<br/>
</p><p>"Or lack there of."<br/>
</p><p>Chris ignored Josh's jab with practiced ease. "And the other three aren't a whole lot better. We agreed that Lisa would be in charge of the story and script, Toshi wanted to do the music himself, and I had my hands full with designing the app itself. Not to mention coming up with the names for the quests and rewriting one of the script files. So that left Ryan in charge of graphics. Which, if I'm being really honest, is still leagues better then what the rest of us would have been able to do."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley waited till Chris sat back down with another slice , and gave a quiet sigh of relief when all he had done was just refill his glass of water. No energy drink in sight. "When you say that Toshi wanted to do the music himself, you mean he just went to find some generic royalty free stuff, right?"<br/>
</p><p>"Nah, he composed it himself. Said that musics always been a hobby for him. The three of us were sure surprised though when he brought us that first piano piece for us to use on the title screen. You never made it much farther, but he actually went out of his way to compose a different song for most locations in the game itself. It was really freaking cool!"<br/>
</p><p>The look on his face as he described the work that everyone was doing was reminding Ash of the picture Josh had sent her on her phone just before the two of them arrived. It was nearly the same expression of joy and passion and she could feel her heart doing the same traitorous flips it always did. For the first time, she realized how committed and excited Chris was for the project. And likely how committed the others were as well.<br/>
</p><p>"Sounds like you guys were really going all in with this thing then. So what's the problem then?"<br/>
</p><p>Like a switch had been flipped, Chris practically deflated in front of them. All life and light left his eyes as his expression just fell, and her heart fell with it. He looked as tired as he had been before Josh had thrown the pizza in front of him. It took everything in Ashley not to hit Josh for asking that question. She settled for giving him a sharp kick underneath the table instead.<br/>
</p><p>"Oh, yeah. That. I-I actually don't know. None of us know what the problem is. One moment it had been working fine, and then the next, boom! Twenty-three!"<br/>
</p><p>Ashley and Josh shared an unsure look. "What do you mean twenty-three?"<br/>
</p><p>"I mean twenty-three! It doesn't matter what test data we input, or how many times we run the stupid thing, it just keeps returning the same number over and over again."<br/>
</p><p>"It sounds to me like you know what the problem is though," Josh carefully interjected. "So why not just stop it?"<br/>
</p><p>The bark of laughter that Chris gave there was so low and disbelieving and frantic that it scared Ash a bit. She had never heard him make a sound like that. <i>Ever.</i><br/>
</p><p>"What do you think I've been trying to do the last three fucking days! I can't just 'make it stop', Josh! We know 'what' the problem is, we just don't know the 'why'! Or the 'how', or the especially the 'where'!" Chris took a look at his slice of pizza, untouched since he had grabbed it, and pushed it away with depressed sigh. He placed his head in his hands in a way that wouldn't disturb his glasses and Ash could see tears beginning to build at the corner of his eyes. Unbelievably, she finally understood just how tired and stressed out Chris was over this.<br/>
</p><p>It may have been selfish, and it may have been cruel, but a part of Ashley hoped that the others had been losing just as much sleep over this as Chris was.<br/>
</p><p>"Were you at least able to get some work done today?"<br/>
</p><p>Chris shook his head mournfully, and when he spoke again it was with a shudder to his voice. She felt really bad for him, this was clearly eating him up inside. "Nah. We all split not long after you left. Toshi had to go and pick up his daughter from daycare, and we all agreed that we weren't getting a whole lot done anyway."<br/>
</p><p>"Oh. I didn't know that any of them had kids." Well, now she was feeling a little guilty about hoping the others had been losing sleep too.<br/>
</p><p>"Just Toshi. Lisa babysits her younger siblings every now and then though. I think she's also the only one of us who met his kid, too. I've only seen pics and stuff."<br/>
</p><p>"I'm sorry for interrupting you this afternoon, then. You probably don't get a whole lot of time to work together I assume."<br/>
</p><p>"It's fine. You weren't interrupting anything. Needed a break anyway." He was refusing to look at her as he said it though, so she didn't believe him for a second. She tried to put a comforting hand on his arm as an apology, but withdrew when he flinched the moment her fingertips brushed against him. He may not hate her, but he was clearly a little upset with her for her actions.<br/>
</p><p>"Maybe we should go back to some studying. Hopefully you can find the answer to your problem in one of your textbooks."<br/>
</p><p>Chris gives a humorless little laugh at that. "Yeah, maybe."<br/>
</p><p>She shares another worried look with Josh, but stands up to clear the table. Normally this would have been Chris's job, as she was the one to put the food in the oven and get the drinks while Josh served it, but she was more than a little nervous that he was so tired that he might drop the plates by accident. Aside from dealing with broken dishes, she didn't want to imagine what his reaction would have been to that.<br/>
</p><p>By the time she returns with a fresh glass of water for Chris and two more bottles of pop for her and Josh, both of them are back to flipping through pages. This time is better though. Everyone is still studying, still deep into their own textbooks, but the atmosphere is less stifling now. She thinks it's the food that made them more chill, or the bags of candy scattered over any free space on the table, but it doesn't matter. She does catch how Josh keeps looking at the time on her oven clock over her shoulder though. It's a little distracting, but she's nothing if not used to trying to study while the boys horse around, so she ignores it easily for the most part.<br/>
</p><p>She figures that they've been studying for at least an hour or two (she's already moved on to her Literary Theory and Criticism notes) when Josh suddenly slams his book shut, shocking both her and Chris from their reading, though she notices with a worried frown that Chris was swaying a little in his seat before steadying himself.<br/>
</p><p>"Well, I don't know about you two, but I think that's more than enough cramming for one night!" Josh stretches as he says so and makes an exaggerated yawn.<br/>
</p><p>"But Josh, it's only—" she takes a quick glance at the time on her phone when she pulls it out of her pocket "—it's barely past eight!"<br/>
</p><p>"Yeah, but unlike you Miss Overachiever, the two of us don't spend our free time with our noses in books. This is the longest either of us have ever tried studying, like ever."<br/>
</p><p>That... was definitely true. She sighs exasperated. "And what exactly do you suggest we do now then?"<br/>
</p><p>"I am shocked, Ash! Shocked and appalled! You've known me how long now?"<br/>
</p><p>"Too long. Far, far too long."<br/>
</p><p>"Exactly. And you think I don't have our evening entertainment all lined up already? Rude. Rude and hurtful. I thought we were friends, Ash."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley crosses her arms over her chest and gives an low laugh under her breath even as she rolls her eyes. "Ah yes, I do recall that as being my biggest mistake. Your point?"<br/>
</p><p>"<i>My point</i> is that you know exactly what we do every time we hang out. The same thing we do every night."<br/>
</p><p>"Try to take over the world?" Chris sleepily interjects and she can't help the giggle the bubbles up.<br/>
</p><p>"That's next week, Chris. Get with the program. No, this one is all about experiencing only the best genre that cinematic entertainment has to offer!"<br/>
</p><p>"Mystery?" Ashley supplies dryly.<br/>
</p><p>Chris doesn't hesitate to join in. "Fantasy?"<br/>
</p><p>"Sci-Fi?"<br/>
</p><p>"Ooooh, romance?" That this is followed by a waggle of the eyebrows surprises no one.<br/>
</p><p>"Oh, sports! No, action!"<br/>
</p><p>"No, I got it: cars!"<br/>
</p><p>he look of absolute suffering that Josh gives her and Chris sends the two of them even further into badly muffled snickers. "Okay one: cars are not a genre."<br/>
</p><p>"Don't tell me you didn't think of Vin Diesel the moment I said it. Ergo, cars are a genre."<br/>
</p><p>Josh ignores Chris. "Secondly: if the peanut gallery would please desist with their heckling so I can continue..." And to Ashley's complete lack of surprise pulls out a USB that she recognizes very, very well. "I brought us a horror movie to watch!"<br/>
</p><p>She eyes Chris nervously from the the corner of her eyes. "I don't think this is a good idea, Josh." He hates it whenever the two of them start talking or get distracted during his movies, even as he explains every special effect and the story behind production and how he could have done the effects way better. And she has a feeling that there's gonna be no way that Chris manages to stay up for the entire movie. Hell, she'll be surprised if he even makes it to the halfway point. There's no way that Josh is going to accept that gracefully.<br/>
</p><p>"Nah, it'll be fine."<br/>
</p><p>"Josh, I really think—"<br/>
</p><p>"Nope!" He throws the USB at Chris, whose reflexes are less then stellar when he's operating at 100% capacity. Now? Aside from the fact that he misses it by a country mile, he doesn't even move to try and catch it until it's sailed past his shoulder into the living room behind her. Josh doesn't seem to notice. "You two go set up the movie, I'll make us some popcorn."<br/>
</p><p>Without another word, he walks confidently into her kitchen and she sighs sadly. Oh, this is not going end well at all. She turns to smile softly at Chris anyway. "I'll go grab my laptop quickly while you try to find where in the world that thing landed. He'll kill us both if we lose it." She stands up and squeezes Chris's shoulder in apology and feels him stiffen under her. She shakes off the disappointment as best she can. "I'll meet you in the living room in just a moment."<br/>
</p><p>That's all it takes really, a moment. In barely a minute, she's back with her computer and Chris has the USB clutched in his hand waiting for her by the TV. The two of them work in silence as she hands Chris the HDMI cord so he can plug it into the TV and she takes the storage device from him. Within no time, the wallpaper on her computer (the dimly lit interior of a bookstore at dusk) is front and center on her small TV. But even that is quickly hidden from view once the file window containing the many, many horror movies that Josh owns is before their very eyes. It doesn't take too long to find the movie he was talking about though, it's in the folder he helpfully labeled as 'you better pay attention this time ash'.<br/>
</p><p>She rolls her eyes and Chris gives a weak chuckle next to her, even as she's starting to get a little suspicious. Josh <i>never</i> re-watches an old horror movie when they do their study nights. He always comes prepared with one none of them have ever seen, old or brand new alike. He's planning something, and when Josh plans something, that's cause for concern. Before she can voice her worries to Chris though, he's already clicked on the file and the two of them are watching it open up in the movie viewer that Josh made sure was installed on all their computers. All she catches is the few opening seconds of a camera panning down to the open trunk of a car, and it's generic enough that she while she doesn't recognize it on sight, it feels familiar. Though that may just be from the frankly insane amount of horror movies that Josh has made her watch over the course of their friendship.<br/>
</p><p>"Come on, let's go sit down while he finishes up with the popcorn. Josh can start the movie when he gets here." She puts her hands around one of Chris's arms and starts to drag him to her couch but he freezes when she sits down and starts to pull him down next to her.<br/>
</p><p>"I don't think that's maybe such a good idea, Ash." She doesn't say anything, giving him a confused look until he continues stumbling over his words from the exhaustion that’s definitely starting to hit him full force. "You know how Josh gets when we fall asleep during movies and shit, so maybe I should just sit on the floor instead. And your couch is a little small anyway, I don't want to squish you or anything."<br/>
</p><p>While he's certainly not <i>wrong</i> about any of that, his last point is a little odd. Yeah, the two-seater couch that came with the place definitely means that they're all sandwiched together when they all sit down to watch a movie or play a game or something, but that's never stopped him before. And honestly, she kind of likes the feeling of his weight pushing her into the arm of her couch. It's comfortable (<i>he's</i> comfortable) and it makes her feel safe.<br/>
</p><p>"It'll be fine, Chris. I mean, it's not like we've never done this before." Instead of responding, she watches as Chris's ears go bright red and he drops to the floor next to her legs to lean against the arm of the couch. "Chris! What are you doing? Get back up here already!"<br/>
</p><p>"It-it's fine! I'm fine! Super comfy down here anyway. Don't know why we've never done this before, actually."<br/>
</p><p>"I'm serious! Get your butt back up here!" She reaches down to grab at his arm again, laughing a little as she tries to pull him back up.<br/>
</p><p>It seems that against her wishes though, Chris is adamant about staying right where he is. "Seriously, it's cool, Ash. I don't wanna fall asleep on you, I'd feel bad about squishing you more than I normally do."<br/>
</p><p>"You'd probably drool onto my shoulder anyways, knowing you." She teases, hoping that it's enough to hide her blush, and that he doesn't see it from his spot on the floor. He may feel bad about falling asleep on her, but she wouldn't. The idea of him asleep, his head tucked into her shoulder, soft snores and warm breath tickling her ear and neck is immensely distracting.<br/>
</p><p>It's so distracting, that she doesn't realize that Chris has stopped moving or talking. And when she goes to take a quick peek to make sure he's fine, it's with the realization that she was right. Chris didn't make it the halfway point of the movie, he didn't even make it to the <i>opening</i>. He's already out like a light, head tilted back and resting slightly on her leg. Slow and steady exhales of breath as he sleeps and careful as she can, Ashley reaches down to pluck the glasses from his face. She freezes when he makes a face at the movement and shifts, but loosens when all he does is murmur under his breath and turns his head to nuzzle further into her thigh.<br/>
</p><p>Trying to make as little movement as possible, she tucks his glasses carefully into the pocket that's holding her phone and smiles sweetly. She's more glad then she can express that he's finally sleeping, even if it means that she won't be able to move her leg at all for the next however many minutes the movie is, and that—yup, he's definitely drooling a little onto her pants. Ash moves to brush a little of the hair out of his eyes with her fingers and her smile only grows fonder when he seems to sigh happily at it in his sleep.<br/>
</p><p>"Got the popcorn, so let's get this show started shall we?"<br/>
</p><p>She immediately turns her head glaring a warning towards Josh when he collapses on the couch next to her, but he ignores her. If he even tries to wake up Chris, she will make him regret it. Thankfully, it seems it's not an event she's going to have to worry about. All he does it look at Chris on the floor with an amused upturn of the eyebrows and groans as he hands Ashley the bowl of popcorn.<br/>
</p><p>"Oh, thank fuck. I thought Cochise was never gonna crash."<br/>
</p><p>"Wait, did you plan this?"<br/>
</p><p>"Um, yeah. Obviously."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley turns her upper body to fully face Josh, but is careful not to disturb Chris sleeping. The look of complete disbelief is only magnified by the piece of popcorn she throws at Josh, and watches it bounce harmlessly off the center of his forehead, feeling more than a little victorious at the action. "It is not obvious. I have seen your plans, Josh. You've involved me in more then I would like against my will, in fact. So yeah, I refuse to believe that you planned for Chris to fall asleep on the floor of my dorm."<br/>
</p><p>"To be fair, I had hoped he would conk out on the couch, but I'll take what I can get. Shame <i>you</i> get to miss out on some quality snuggle time though, but I bet your leg is an even softer pillow then your shoulder." She takes this chance to throw more popcorn at Josh even as her face pinkens. "Will you stop that?! I spent time and money on making that popcorn! I am not cleaning any of this  up by the way."<br/>
</p><p>"Not until you admit that there is no way that you planned any of this."<br/>
</p><p>"Oh for—give me that!" He rips the bowl from her arms, but is careful not to jostle Chris any, she notices with relief, and holds it safely out of arms reach from her. Which normally wouldn't have been a problem as the two of them are sitting side by side on her little couch, but she can't think of a single thing she would rather not do then move her legs to reach the popcorn. So she instead just levels Josh with the same disbelief, accompanied by an inner little pout from having her ammo taken away.<br/>
</p><p>"Give me proof, and <i>maybe</i> I'll consider it."<br/>
</p><p>"Oh ye of so little faith." Nevertheless, carefully cradling the bowl in a crooked arm, but far enough away from where Ash could could easily reach over for it, he lifts his free hand and raises his pointer finger. "One: made sure to keep Chris away from all caffeinated drinks after the first half-hour." He raises his middle finger to continue the count. "Two: once we started eating, filled him with the greasiest, richest thing possible to fill his stomach quickly and make him tired, but not be super obvious about it. Three: kept an eye on the time and after a couple of hours had passed to make sure that the food had settled and the caffeine from the energy drinks wore off, sent him off to watch a movie by sitting on the couch. And finally and most damning of all, four: I actually tried to study." He gave her a look of absolute desperation and shame. "Studied, Ash! Do you have any idea how awful that was? I was ready to die when I was half-way through the first sentence! But I figured if I was ready to fall asleep by the end of the first page, then Cochise was barely holding back from face planting into <i>his</i> book. So I stuck it out, because I am a good friend who is even willing to endure the torture that is reviewing my psych notes if it meant my best friend finally got some fucking sleep."<br/>
</p><p>The last piece of the puzzle clicks into place. "Wait a second, is this why we're re-watching the movie?"<br/>
</p><p>"Aside from the fact that you were too busy going through your notes to pay attention when we watched it just before our winter exams?" That rung a bell. She remembers something about a cult chasing down a girl to kill her or something. She dimly recalls a scene where the girl drives a car into a member of said cult. "Yeah. You know I hate to reuse material when there's so many undiscovered gems out there."<br/>
</p><p>Those... were all fantastic points. Well, okay the first three she could claim as coincidences, but that fourth one? She had been best friends with Josh for nearly seven years now and until tonight, she had never once seen him actually try to do some school work while in her presence. If he had been willing to even try to put up the facade of actually studying, then he had actually been serious.<br/>
</p><p>"Fine."<br/>
</p><p>"Fine? Wait..." The self-assured smirk her sent her was one she immediately felt the urge to smack off his face. "Are you admitting that I won?"<br/>
</p><p>"I'm not admitting anything. I'm just saying that <i>maybe</i> I considered it."<br/>
</p><p>"Considered that I was right, which means I won. So I want my reward."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley rolled her eyes as she let out a small breath that may have been a laugh, and stuck out her arm for the popcorn bowl. "I'll stop throwing popcorn at you now. Congrats.”<br/>
</p><p>When she got no response, or the bowl, she slowly turned her head only to witness Josh looking at her with his head in one hand, his fingers tapping a suspicious beat on his cheekbone. Immediately, she was on guard.<br/>
</p><p>"Nope. As the victor, I get to name the spoils. So tell me Ash..." he flicked a piece of popcorn into his mouth and gave a devious smile "inquiring minds must know: what actually happened in the library earlier?"<br/>
</p><p>If Ashley could have shrunk in on herself she would have, but doing so would have caused her legs to shift, so she settled for staring at the frozen image of the blue car's open trunk in the middle of a clearing. </p><p>"Nothing happened," she managed to get out tersely.<br/>
</p><p>"'Nothing happened.' Really? You expect me to believe that, Ash?" Josh gave a loud scoff. "Chris has been jumpier then a kangaroo around you all evening, and you keep acting like a wounded puppy every time you look at him."<br/>
</p><p>"Can we just start the movie, please."<br/>
</p><p>Josh's eyebrows just about shot up straight into his hairline. "Oh, now I <i>know</i> something happened. Spill."<br/>
</p><p>"There's nothing to 'spill'. I brought him some lunch, he showed me his project, and then I left. That's it."<br/>
</p><p>"Nuh uh. I wouldn't have had to spend nearly twenty minutes of doing everything in my power to convince sleeping beauty over there to come if that's all that actually happened. Try again."<br/>
</p><p>She couldn't help but follow the direction his thumb was pointing and looked down into her lap, or more precisely, where Chris's head was resting against her leg. He mumbled something in his sleep, and burrowed further into the side of her upper thigh, the small smile on his face making her heart flutter. She desperately hoped that whatever he was dreaming about, it was nice. She'll later blame it on the combination of Chris's content face and the warmth it filled her with, but it was the final straw and she caved. "I made a complete and utter fool of myself in front of Chris and his friends!"<br/>
</p><p>To her surprise, Josh didn't immediately laugh at her or anything. Instead, he just gave her a look that conveyed exactly how <i>little</i> that surprised him and waited for her to continue. When she didn't, he gave a long-suffering sigh as he tilted his head back and waved his hand in a circle. "And...?"<br/>
</p><p>"And nothing! What don't you understand about this? There is no 'and'! I made a fool of myself, end of story."<br/>
</p><p>He gave a low snort as he looked at her with a look that just conveyed the concept of 'Really?' without actually saying it. "I got that much already. You two have been making fools of yourselves around each other for as long as I've known the both of you. The only reason neither of you have noticed, is because you both think that this is just normal behaviour by now. So I need the details. You brought him lunch, met his fellow computer nerds, and then he showed you his app thingy. Then what?"<br/>
</p><p>"I saw the app first, actually," Ashley mumbled out in embarrassment.<br/>
</p><p>"Okay? So what? He showed you the thing, and then his friends came to sit down and he introduced you. I really don't think the order matters here, Ash."<br/>
</p><p>She honestly didn't know why she was still talking. Maybe she was trying to prove to Josh how big of an absolute fool she had been? She was certainly proving it now that's for sure. "They were already there."<br/>
</p><p>Josh's eyes narrowed as he contemplated her, running over her words carefully in his head. "Wait. So you're telling me that you just sat down at his table, gave him food, and then proceeded to ignore everyone else so you could two could do your whole not-flirting routine?"<br/>
</p><p>"He wasn't <i>flirting</i> with me—"<br/>
</p><p>"Like I said, not-flirting."<br/>
</p><p>"—and I didn't see them, at first."<br/>
</p><p>"But you just said that they were already—wait. Wait wait wait. Are you saying, that you were so fucking goddamn <i>smitten</i>, that you honestly didn't realize that there was anyone else in the room other then Chris?" Josh didn't even wait for her response before bursting into tears of laughter as he doubled over the popcorn. "Oh holy shit. This is fucking <i>magical</i>."<br/>
</p><p>"This isn't funny, Josh!"<br/>
</p><p>"Are you kidding me right now, Ash? This is <i>hysterical!</i> You are so far gone over <i>that</i> computer nerd, that as far as you are concerned, any others don't even exist!"<br/>
</p><p>Ashley is about to reach her arms over to do <i>something</i> to Josh (strangling him or dumping the popcorn bowl over his head are the highest contenders of options available to her) when Chris starts to move. She immediately freezes, and looks down at the frown on his face as he grumbles and starts inwardly panicking. She can't let him wake up. Aside from the fact that he really, really needs this nap—as rough as the resulting crink in his neck is going to be—him waking up <i>now</i> with Josh absolutely losing it is not going to end well. Chris is going to ask questions and she can't have that. So, she does the only thing she can think of in the moment: she brings her hand over to his head and starts running her fingers through his hair in an effort to calm him down.<br/>
</p><p>To her relief, and her absolute shock, it works. It works really, <i>really</i> well actually. Almost the instant her fingers begin carding through his hair, he has already settled, a content sigh and smile on his face as he goes back to sleep, shifting closer to her so he's no longer braced by the arm of the couch, but being supported by the weight of her leg. She sighs in turn and goes to glare a warning at Josh, but it flags at the extremely amused glint in his eyes as he stares down at the hand still rhythmically running through Chris's hair. She tries to stop and remove her hand in embarrassment, but freezes when he practically <i>whines</i> in his sleep at the movement. More than a little contrite, she cautiously returns to the calming motion and he settles back down like nothing happened. In fact, she would go as far to say that if Chris had been a cat, he would be purring by now. Hell, if the rumbling from his soft snores is any indication, he kind of is.<br/>
</p><p>The sound of the camera shutter on Josh's phone has her immediately turning to stare at him in horror. "What are you doing?" she gets out in a furious whisper. "Josh!" The action causes her fingernails to accidentally scrape against his scalp and she freezes at sensation, shoulders tense. But aside from the Chris's snores becoming more pronounced for just a moment, nothing happens. She lets out a relieved breath and feels her shoulders loosen, and when she reopens her eyes, Josh has turned his phone around so she can see the pic he had just taken on his screen.<br/>
</p><p>The image is one that makes her heart both sink and fly in equal measures. The expression on Chris's face is so peaceful that it only serves to highlight the absolute adoration on her own. Ashley's pretty sure that she's never worn a smile so soft or so enamoured ever. And you would have to be an absolute complete and utter <i>moron</i> not to see the love shining in her eyes so bright it was practically blinding. It's a picture that she wants to save and keep close to her heart until the day she dies. It's the image she wants to wake up to every morning for the rest of her life.<br/>
</p><p>It's a picture that can never, <i>ever</i> see the light of day.<br/>
</p><p>"Delete it."<br/>
</p><p>Josh scoffs in disbelief. "What? Are you kidding me, Ash?" He taps at his phone for a few seconds, and not long after Ashley feels her phone vibrate against Chris's glasses in her pocket as it receives the pic he just sent her. "I should submit this to a museum or something. People kill for this type of raw emotion in pictures."<br/>
</p><p>"I'm serious Josh. You need to delete that right now. Chris can't ever see that."<br/>
</p><p>"Please. He's the <i>one person</i> who needs to see this most of all. Should give it to Hannah so she can pull her photoshop magic and just put hearts everywhere."<br/>
</p><p>"Please, Josh. You can't let him see it. It would ruin everything!"<br/>
</p><p>"How would this ruin anything?"<br/>
</p><p>"Cause he doesn't feel the same way!"<br/>
</p><p>Josh looks over to her, and she can see the disbelieving laugh that's building as he opens his mouth to argue with her, when he stops. Instead, he looks at her with narrowed eyes as he contemplates her and puts his phone away. She doesn't know what kind of face she's making, doesn't <i>want</i> to know if she's being completely honest, but if it's enough to stop Josh Washington in his tracks, then that's more then enough info for her. "You're actually being serious right now. You truly, honestly believe that."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley knows what he means. Of course she does. This is a conversation they've had a million times in a million different way. She's always said that there was no way Chris returned her feelings, but there had always been a spark of hope anyways. That maybe, if she just tried hard enough, believed enough, then it would all work out. Not anymore. "How could I not? Not after..."<br/>
</p><p>"Ash, tell me what really happened in the library earlier." Josh's voice is almost more gentle then she's ever heard it in her life. It's almost too gentle. She finds herself biting her lip and looking down at her lap to try and prevent the tears from falling. Except, it brings her closer to Chris's sleeping face.<br/>
</p><p>To her fingers carefully and gently running through his short blond hair. To the happy and peaceful smile on his face. To the drool stain on her pants that's slowly getting larger the longer she let's him sleep there. She bites her lip harder and closes her eyes to erase the image and hopefully stop the tears. It doesn't help.<br/>
</p><p>"I already told you," there's a slight sob to her voice that she hates but Josh makes no mention of it, "I made a fool of myself." Still, Josh says nothing so she continues. "I was practically hanging off of him when he showed me his game. I could have been waving around a neon sign and I still don't think I could have been any more <i>fucking</i> obvious if I tried! The worse thing though? The absolute worst thing?" She let out a watery, hysterical laugh that would have had her placing her head into her hands if she had been able. But doing so would have meant removing her hand from Chris's hair, and the calming, repetitive motion of her fingers carding through it was the only thing stopping her from breaking down on the couch right then and there. "His friends were <i>right there</i> at the table with him and as far as I was concerned, they didn't even exist! So now not only do I get to live with the knowledge that his friends got a front row seat to me acting like a desperate moron, but they also got to see the way that Chris was blatantly ignoring everything!<br/>
</p><p>"So there's no possible way he could return my feelings, not after that."<br/>
</p><p>Still, Josh says nothing. Just staring at her and Chris as he contemplated the two of them, shoving a small handful of popcorn into his mouth. Finally, he swallowed, and when he opened his mouth, there was no way that Ashley could have anticipated what actually came out.<br/>
</p><p>"Honestly? I think a neon sign <i>would</i> have helped."<br/>
</p><p>Ashley opened her mouth, though whether to scream at him or to cry or laugh, she wasn't quite sure. Josh put up his hand to stop her. "I'm actually being serious right now, believe it or not." She closes it, giving her best friend the benefit of the doubt. For now. "Look. We both adore Chris—in entirely different ways I admit—but we have to be honest with ourselves here. He isn't exactly a person either of us would call as having a large, or even mediocre, amount of situational awareness. If he doesn't believe it's there in the first place, then he's not ever gonna see it."<br/>
</p><p>Josh wasn't wrong about that. She can recall a time when they were younger, only a couple of years after they all met, and her and Josh had found a fox nest near his family's mountain lodge one winter. Chris though hadn't believed them, to the point where even though she and Josh had clearly heard the sounds of a fox calling from inside the hole, it had taken the fox sticking it's head out, and Chris nearly falling ass over teakettle backwards in surprise, to hear it himself.<br/>
</p><p>"So if he doesn't think you're interested him, then he's never gonna notice. So I'm gonna offer you some quality advice, Ash:" Alright, the benefit of the doubt is starting to flag a lot. Josh's advice should never, <i>ever</i> be trusted, years of friendship had taught her that much. "You tell him straight to his face. What you are gonna do is walk straight up to him and tell him point blank that you, and I quote, 'don't want to be just friends anymore'."<br/>
</p><p>Yup. Can't be trusted. She doesn't have to look in a mirror to feel that her face has gone bright red, she can practically feel the heat emanating off of it. "Are you kidding me right now? I can't tell him that! What if he thinks that it means I hate him?!"<br/>
</p><p>"Trust me, he's not. Cause right after, you're gonna grab his dumb face in your hands, look straight into his baby blue eyes, and then you're just gonna lay one right on him."<br/>
</p><p>Well, if her face wasn't red before it certainly is now. He's telling her to kiss Chris. To just walk up to him and kiss him, fuck the consequences. There is no way in hell she would ever be able to do that! "Josh! There's no way—"<br/>
</p><p>"I promise you, the chances of Cochise not immediately afterwards asking you out are so small, that they may as well not even exist."<br/>
</p><p>"You can't know that, Josh! There is no possible way you could know that!"<br/>
</p><p>"Oh I do. <i>Trust me</i>. I do." He takes a look at the still paused movie, and takes a deep breath before letting it out, and with it a stream of mumbled words. "This better kick both your asses into high gear, I swear to god." She doesn't understand a lick of it, but he continues. "If—for whatever strange, impossible reason—he doesn't try to kiss you back, then this is the last horror you’ll have to watch for an entire year."<br/>
</p><p>Ash can't help the laugh in disbelief she lets out. "Oh please. Like I can believe that."<br/>
</p><p>"Cross my heart."<br/>
</p><p>Her laughter immediately dies in her throat. She can only stare at him dumbfounded, the back of her hand frozen on her cheek where she had been wiping away some of her tears. Josh had always hated promising stuff using that silly little idiom, it had always been a her and Chris thing alone. Ever since Chris had used it as a promise to pay her back the $3 she had lent him for ice cream the summer they had met when she was twelve, and they sealed it with a pinky swear and giggle. So if <i>Josh</i> was using it, it meant that not only was he dead serious, but he was trying to prove that fact to her as well. "Halloween too?"<br/>
</p><p>"What—? Really, Ash? You're making me take away our Halloween Horror Hullabaloo too?!" Josh rubs a hand over his face and groans loudly and resignedly. "Fine, yes. Halloween too."<br/>
</p><p>Her mouth drops open in shock. Pure, unadulterated shock. There is no way that Josh is being so serious right now that he is <i>promising</i> to not tie her to a chair so she can watch their yearly Halloween horror fest. This is big. This is major. This is <i>majorly big</i>. So, she responds in the only way she possibly can. "Hope to die."<br/>
</p><p>"Stick a needle, blah blah blah." Definitely not her usual promise, but she'll take it. The fact that Josh is even trying to use it in the first place means worlds to Ashley, enough that she can excuse the fact that he didn't even finish the phrase.<br/>
</p><p>"Alright," Ashley agrees. Josh looks at her and gives a single, brusque nod of the head which she returns. He never made a move to try and link their pinkies, which she's exceedingly grateful for. She would have accepted a handshake, or hell, even a fist bump, but as childish as it is, the pinky thing is private and for her and Chris alone. She will not share it, even with Josh.<br/>
</p><p>"Cool." Josh leans down to press start on the movie, and the camera begins its slow pan from the bird's eye view of the car, to the front to show the empty seats of the still running vehicle, and then centers on the person walking up from behind it. "And just so we're clear: this deal is only available till the end of the month."<br/>
</p><p>She says nothing, only nods as the screaming in the movie stops to fade in on the dead body of a girl, her neck slit, in the middle of the field.<br/>
</p><p>"Hey. If you look closely you can see that the actress is still breathing. Clearly not the best actress for the job if you ask me and—" she ignores Josh. Both him and the movie playing becoming white noise in the background as she thinks. That means she has three weeks to make her move, or only three days if she's being honest with herself. There is no way Ashley Brown is ever going to make her move with finals looming closer and closer, and as tempting as the offer is, she will not risk her 4.0 GPA over the chance to not watch a horror movie for an entire year.<br/>
</p><p>The two of them spend the movie's run-time in silence passing the bowl of popcorn between them. The silence is only broken whenever Josh reveals a bit of trivia or points out a particularly weak special effect with a scoff, but she's not paying attention to either him or the movie. She's only distantly aware of the movie's heroine (Kristy? Justine? One of the two.) stabbing some guy with a pair of car keys and then drowning him in the latter half. Her mind is too busy dwelling on the feel of Chris's hair against her fingers, or how she hasn't been able to feel her left leg in close to an hour now. Every now and then, Chris will murmur something in his sleep and sigh happily before returning to his snores. She never catches what if he says, or even if he says anything, but that's okay.<br/>
</p><p>She has tried to remove her hand of course, a couple of times, but every single time he shifts uncomfortably against her and makes a little grumble. And chastised, she returns to the soothing and continuous motion from before. It's fine, it's not like she wants to stop. She'll (probably) never get the chance to do this ever again, so she'll enjoy it while it lasts.<br/>
</p><p>"Well, what did you think this time Ash?"<br/>
</p><p>"Huh?" Ashley blinks startled and realizes with dull shock that the credits have begun to play, an electronic song she doesn't recognize blaring as blue pixelated images of photographed faces appear and fade out with every name.<br/>
</p><p>"Are you kidding me right now? Jesus Christ, Ash. Again?" Josh groans as he stands up to stop the movie and remove his USB drive, the static wallpaper of the bookstore once again appearing on the TV screen. He takes a look at her hand that's <i>still</i> repeatedly carding through Chris's hair. "Well, whatever. At least you weren't distracted by homework or studying this time." She pulls a face at him, sticking her tongue out childishly, and he laughs. "Just wake up sleeping beauty over there, alright? I'll start packing up our shit. Gotta head out before the warden makes their Friday night stops."<br/>
</p><p>He's not wrong. Her RA was a real stickler for the rules, and enforced the 'No visitors after 11:00pm' rule religiously. Everyone would be getting in huge trouble if the two of them were still hanging around by that point. And unfortunately, her dorm was <i>always</i> the first stop because Sophia knew that the two of them would often hang out here with her. Chris and Josh's RA was way more lenient, as long as the three of them kept quiet (not likely, more often then not), then he didn't care either way so she would sometimes stay the night when it got too late. But, well, they all agreed that she had the better couch, so her place unofficially declared the spot for movie or game nights.<br/>
</p><p>So, more reluctantly then she's ever done anything in her life, she stops her repeated brushing motions and moves to shake his shoulder gently as she calls his name with just as much care. Slowly, he does start to wake, though whether it's from the fact that her fingers stopped or from the shaking she doesn't know, but she can feel his eyelids moving as he blinks slowly once or twice against her leg. And then, quick as a whip, he shoots straight up, though not without a slight sway.<br/>
</p><p>She can't help but chuckle at the sight. "Sleep well?"<br/>
</p><p>"M'sorry." His voice is still a little slurred from sleep and it doesn't quiet the giggles building up. "Didn't mean to fall 'sleep on you. Josh back with the popcorn yet?"<br/>
</p><p>"The movies already over, Chris. You slept through it."<br/>
</p><p>"O-oh." She can see his ears beginning to darken in embarrassment. "Shit. Josh ain't gonna be too happy." He stands up and goes to rub his eyes in an effort to wake himself up further, but pauses when he starts to move his glasses up, only to realize that he's not actually wearing them when he nearly pokes himself in his eyes. Her laughter isn't ebbing any.<br/>
</p><p>"Just give me a moment, Chris! I have your glasses right here." She's still laughing when she goes into her pocket and removes his glasses, and her phone falls out with a clatter to the carpet below. "Damn it." She starts to stand up to retrieve her phone, only to stumble forward clumsily at the sensation of her leg swelling to what feels like twice its usual size.<br/>
</p><p>"Holy shit, Ash! Are you okay?" Chris is there to catch her the moment she stumbles against him, his hands going up to grab her upper arms, and he's staring at her through what may be narrowed worried eyes, though they might just be narrowed because he can't see a whole lot right now and he’s still half-asleep.<br/>
</p><p>Ashley nods, struggling to ignore how warm his hands are even through the fabric of her shirt. "Yeah, leg just fell asleep." She winces in obvious pain a couple of seconds later. "Aaaaand there's the pins and needles." Its certainly not a surprise, she knew that this was going to happen the moment Chris crashed against her leg, but it doesn't make the feeling of tiny little knives being jammed forcefully into her leg from her toes to nearly her hip any less unpleasant.<br/>
</p><p>"Jesus, Ash. Should have woken me up, or moved me, or something."<br/>
</p><p>She shakes her head with a wry grin. "It's fine Chris, you needed the sleep way more then I needed my leg, trust me." She's still smiling when she raises her arms to put his glasses back onto his face, and her grin only brightens when he blinks owlishly at her from behind them. "There. That's better."<br/>
</p><p>She can hear Josh lugging his and Chris's bags out her door with a grunt but then her eyes are widening and she forgets about the pain in her leg and Josh all together. Because one moment Chris had been right in front of her, and the next he’s <i>right in front of her</i>. Oddly enough, Ashley finds that she's able to easily ignore his hands now, because she's way too preoccupied with what to do with <i>hers</i>.<br/>
</p><p>Should she bring them around his neck to hold him closer? Use them to grab the front of his too nerdy Dragonball shirt and pull him down onto the couch with her? Or, even more risque, place them against his chest so she can push him towards her bedroom? There's way too many options and she can't decide on a single one!<br/>
</p><p>"Hurry up with your goodbyes, Cochise! Warden Sophia’s gonna be here in like five minutes! We gotta go!"<br/>
</p><p>Before she can decide if she's going to act on none of them or all of them—<i>fuck</i> Sophia and <i>fuck</i> her rules—Chris pulls away and with a blase little 'See ya later, Ash." he's gone, closing her front door behind him and leaving her lips burning. The moment she hears the latch click, her legs give out from under her and she falls to the ground in an ungraceful heap, not even bothering to try and aim for the couch and landing next to her now forgotten phone. Eyes still wide, she presses her fingers to her lips in a bid to try and replicate the pressure of Chris's mouth on hers.<br/>
</p><p>Chris had kissed her.<br/>
</p><p><i>Chris</i> had kissed her. Chris <i>had</i> kissed her. Chris had <i>kissed</i> her. Chris had kissed <i>her.</i><br/>
</p><p>
  <i>Chris had kissed her.</i><br/>
</p><p>And she hadn't even kissed him back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now, if you still haven't gone to go and see <a href="https://fudgeroach.tumblr.com">fudgeroach's</a> beautiful art and commissioned him yet, then I will give you another chance. </p><p>  <a href="https://fudgeroach.tumblr.com">Here you go. Go look at his art and throw your money at his feet like I did.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Error: Message Not Sent (Promise Broken)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm certainly no master artisan, I just like to think I'm creative with the tools I get to play with :)</p><p>Also, if you are having problems understanding some of the later texts, just hover over the bubble for the text in proper spelling.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Sat,  Jun 6,</b>  10:47 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Morning sleepy head! <span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">Slept well I hope?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 6,</b> 3:13 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Wow you must have really slept in huh?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I mean you really needed it let's be honest here.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't think I've ever seen you crash that hard or that quick.</span><br/>
<span class="text">And a good nights sleep should help you concentrate and get your head back into the game too!</span><br/>
<span class="text">Just text me when you get the time. Okay?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I think we need to talk about some stuff.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 6,</b> 10: 45 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Sleep well! <span class="goodnightA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sun, Jun 7,</b> 11:56 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Morning! <span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sun, Jun 7,</b> 1:02 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">You must be really busy with the project.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I hope you're going strong with it at this rate.</span><br/>
<span class="text">It's due this Friday, right?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Sun, Jun 7,</b> 4:13 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Had any luck with your problem yet?</span><br/>
<span class="text">You said that it kept returning 23 I think it was?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Sun, Jun 7,</b> 11:05 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Good night! <span class="goodnightA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 8,</b> 7:23 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Morning! <span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">You get your lunch break at 1:30 on Mondays right?</span><br/>
<span class="text">Do you think we could meet up and get lunch together?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I really, really need to talk to you.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 8,</b> 9:15 AM</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply">got plans</span><br/>
<span class="text">Oh.</span><br/>
<span class="text">That's fine.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Super, duper fine!</span><br/>
<span class="text">Probably just gonna be working on your project huh?</span><br/>
<span class="text">It was silly of me to even ask.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Maybe I'll see you later?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 8,</b> 2:53 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I ran into Jesús earlier. He said that Ryan was a little down when he got back from working with you guys yesterday.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Is everything going okay?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I know I can't help with the project. But I'm here to talk if you need me...</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 8,</b> 5:46 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I stopped by your dorm to see you, but Josh said that you never came back after classes ended.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Is everything okay?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm fine</span><br/>
<span class="greply">stayed late to work on the project</span><br/>
<span class="text">Oh! Are you at the library then?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I can bring you something to eat if you'd like!</span><br/>
<span class="greply">computer lab. they don't allow food or drink.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Well that sucks. Um, what time do you think you'll finish?</span><br/>
<span class="text">I can meet you there after with some food or something.</span><br/>
<span class="text">You can't survive off of protein bars and instant noodles forever Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">ill probably be here until they close up at 1</span><br/>
<span class="greply">and you can't enter the building without a key after classes end anyway</span><br/>
<span class="text">Okay. If you're sure...</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i am</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm sorry</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tue, Jun 9,</b> 12:01 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Good night <span class="goodnightA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tue, Jun 9,</b> 7:12 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Good morning <span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tue, Jun 9,</b> 2:13 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I talked to Jesús and he told me that Ryan had spent only a couple of hours with you guys before coming home.</span><br/>
<span class="text">And Josh said that you were back at like 7 last night.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I know you're avoiding me.</span><br/>
<span class="text">It's because of what happened Friday night isn't it?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Tue, Jun 9,</b> 5:34 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I knew it.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I fucking knew it.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Can you just talk to me?</span><br/>
<span class="text">Please?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Tue, Jun 9,</b> 11:52 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="goodnightA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">Night <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 10,</b> 8:01 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Morning <span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 10,</b> 4:26 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Where are you?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm busy</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'll talk to you later okay</span><br/>
<span class="text">No.</span><br/>
<span class="text">We need to talk about this right now.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Where are you?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i really do need to finish the project</span><br/>
<span class="greply">can we do this after?</span><br/>
<span class="text">No. Where are you?</span><br/>
<span class="text">Where.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Are.</span><br/>
<span class="text">You.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 10,</b> 4:35 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Josh just texted me.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I know you're at the library.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I'll be there in 10 minutes.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 10,</b> 4:47 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">This isn't funny Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Toshi said that the moment I texted you, you grabbed your stuff and left.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Said that you had an emergency.</span><br/>
<span class="text">That's bullshit and we both know it.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Chris. Please.</span><br/>
<span class="text">We need to talk. I really, really, really need to talk to you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">This is important.</span><br/>
<span class="text">If it's because of me, I'm sorry.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 10,</b> 6:22 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Fine.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I get it.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I should have known better.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Knew this was going to happen.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I'm so stupid.</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm the one who's stupid...</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 11,</b> 1:01 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">night <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 12,</b> 9:00 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">morning <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 12,</b> 12:30 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i wish i could see you right now</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Fri, Jun 13,</b> 12:01 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">night <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Fri, Jun 13,</b> 8:22 am</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">morning <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Fri, Jun 13,</b> 9:01 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Your projects due today isn't it?</span><br/>
<span class="text">Hope you get a good grade.</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm so sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i wish i could see you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you so much</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Fri, Jun 13,</b> 10:52 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good night <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 14,</b> 1:04 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i smiss you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i missiyu</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i missou</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i missou</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i missuo</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i mis yuou</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i missou</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 14,</b> 7:04 AM</span><br/>
<span class="greply">go away ash</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Open the door Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I waited until you sent in your project.</span><br/>
<span class="text">And Josh let me know that he was leaving to spend the weekend with his sisters.</span><br/>
<span class="text">So now it's just you and me.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I just want to talk.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Please.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Open the door.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">can we please not do this</span><br/>
<span class="text">Fuck you Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I am sick and tired of you avoiding me.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Do you have any idea how upset I've been this week?</span><br/>
<span class="text">We need to talk. Now.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i haven't been avoiding you</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i've just been busy</span><br/>
<span class="text">Don't you dare lie to me.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Not about this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">It's too important.</span><br/>
<span class="text"> We need to talk about what happened last week.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">nothing happened</span><br/>
<span class="greply">so there's nothing to talk about</span><br/>
<span class="text">Bullshit.</span><br/>
<span class="text">If nothing happened then you wouldn't be acting like this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">So why are you doing this?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm doing anything</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm just tired ash</span><br/>
<span class="greply">so just let me go back to sleep</span><br/>
<span class="text">Yeah well I'm tired of this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I miss you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I miss you so much.</span><br/>
<span class="text">So please let me in.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">shouldn't you be studying for your finals?</span><br/>
<span class="text">FUCK FINALS CHRIS</span><br/>
<span class="text">OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i can't</span><br/>
<span class="text">Why?</span><br/>
<span class="text">Why why why why why?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">it's complicated</span><br/>
<span class="text">How? Tell me how it's complicated Chris? I would love to know.</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">because i'm scared of what i'll do</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="greply">i can't</span><br/>
<span class="greply">not right now</span><br/>
<span class="greply">we'll talk after finals are over with</span><br/>
<span class="greply">okay?</span><br/>
<span class="text">No, it's not okay.</span><br/>
<span class="text">We need to talk about this now.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Not in another two weeks.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't want to feel like this anymore.</span><br/>
<span class="text">It hurts so much.</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i don't want to feel like this either</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">but im scared i'll feel worse after</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="greply">i promise we'll talk after finals</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji1"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">No.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Don't you dare do this to me.</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji1"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">Please Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Don't do this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I can't take this anymore.</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji1"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">...<span class="emoji2"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji3"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">I hate you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I hate you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I hate you!</span><br/>
<span class="text">I hate you!</span><br/>
<span class="text">I hate you so fucking much!</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">not as much as i hate myself</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 14,</b> 11:23 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">night <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm so sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i' sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm srry</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sun, Jun 15,</b> 10:13 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span>
<span class="greply-error">morning <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 16,</b> 3:24 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm so sorry ash</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm so fucking sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">josh really torre into me when he cot back</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">he calle me a coard and a pirce of shit and a horrible firend</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">nd those wre his nicer comments</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm sure you already now this already though</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">probably gave you a play nbt play as it was happenging</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">hell your wree probably supplying sdome of the more fanicer words</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">wasn't worogn thoggh</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">about anyt of it</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm a coward ad a pece of sit and everything else he called me</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">but i'm so fcking scared of wahat talking to you will mean</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i'm so scared aout what i'll do</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">but as ong as i don't talk to you then its; like nothign changed</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">that the resadon you aren;t texting me anymore is because you're bust with scholl</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i can pretend that wre're still firends and you don't hate me for waht i did</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">it;s like tat cat thing you talked abott once</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">as long as the box is vlosed then the cat is alobve and dead at once</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">schrondingers box or somehting</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i can't rememrber</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">you woyld knw th0ugh</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">you always know these sorts of fthigngs</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">becasue your so fuckinf smartg</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i miss you so muc hc</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i whish you wre here rigt now</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i can only look at your puctures so many times</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">and seeign your smiling face only makes things so much worse</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">it's why i kised you you know</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">you out my glasees ona and the firstt hig i saw was your smilgin face</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">and you looked so fuckgin beautigfil that i dont think i had ever wanted to kiss you more tha in that moment</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">so i did</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">and nkow you hat eme</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">you want to know the wordst thing ash?</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">tje worsret thing abeout all of thsi?</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i dongt' even remeber waht it was like</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">ibe wanted to kiss you since wew were kids and i can't even remeber it</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i remeberw leanign in and tehn the next momeny i ws wakign up in my bed</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">yoj proabrly pushed fme aways or someting</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">im such an asshoel for pushig myself on you and now yu hateb mne and i wish i culd reember it</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span>
<span class="greply-error">im so soryry</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">im sory</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">im soryr</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">im sorryy</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i shoudlnt have kised you</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 16,</b> 4:01 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i want ot kmiss uyou agaib</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i hate that i want to lkiss yo0u ahain</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="greply">im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm so happt rhat you can;t read these</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 16,</b> 9:15 AM</span><br/>
<span class="greply">Morning <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply">good luck with your review classes this week</span><br/>
<span class="greply">not that you'll need it of course</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">If I skipped all of them today would you finally talk to me?</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 16,</b> 10:00 AM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't understand why you would even text me in the first place if this was your answer.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Mon, Jun 16,</b> 11:23 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tues, Jun 17,</b> 9:02 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tues, Jun 17,</b> 10:59 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Wed, Jun 18,</b> 8:29 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 19,</b> 12:03 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 19,</b> 9:02 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 19,</b> 3:23 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I just saw your exam schedule.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Good luck.</span><br/>
<span class="text">You better keep your promise about that talk.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I am sick and tired of feeling like shit because of you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">This isn't how you're supposed to make me feel.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't want to feel like this anymore.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i know</span><br/>
<span class="text">Then let's talk now.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I swear to god that I will walk out of this class right now.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't even care anymore.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I know that you don't have classes after 3 on Thursdays.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i can't ash</span><br/>
<span class="greply">not right now</span><br/>
<span class="greply">after finals are over i promise</span><br/>
<span class="greply">don't you have your last tutor thing with jesus tonight anyways?</span><br/>
<span class="text">...Fine.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I miss you.</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i know</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">me too</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thu, Jun 19,</b> 11:35 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Fri, Jun 20,</b> 8:33 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 20,</b> 1:13 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sat, Jun 21,</b> 11:08 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sunday</b> 12:15 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sunday</b> 10:48 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Sunday</b> 11:30 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Monday</b> 8:59 AM</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply">good luck with your finals</span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="morningA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">Yeah.</span><br/>
<span class="text">You too.</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Monday</b> 11:19 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck tomorrow <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tuesday</b> 8:00 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Tuesday</b> 11:15 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck tomorrow <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Wednesday</b> 8:12 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Wednesday</b> 11:36 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck tomorrow <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thursday</b> 7:11 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Thursday</b> 11:07 PM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck tomorrow <span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Yesterday</b> 9:01 AM</span>
<span class="empty"></span>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">good luck <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
<span class="time"><b>Yesterday</b> 11:54 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">I need a favour.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Would I be able to get a ride back home with you and Josh tomorrow?</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i thought your mom was supposed to be helping you drive back?</span><br/>
<span class="text">She just called.</span><br/>
<span class="text">There was an emergency at work.</span><br/>
<span class="text">And she's needed to stay and cover the shift on Sunday now.</span><br/>
<span class="text">She can't get off till next week and we have to be out of our dorms by Monday at the latest.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">yeah that's no problem</span><br/>
<span class="greply">you know there's always room for you</span><br/>
<span class="text">I'm not so sure that I do anymore...</span><br/>
<span class="greply">ash...</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm sorry</span><br/>
<span class="greply">about everything</span><br/>
<span class="text">Save it.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Can you just promise me that you'll be here tomorrow.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">course i'll be there</span><br/>
<span class="text">No Chris, I really need you to promise me this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">Please.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">alright</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji1"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text"><span class="emoji2"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="emoji3"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">Thank you.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I'm gonna have to spend the rest of the day packing after my last exam so I won't see you till tomorrow now.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'll see you then</span><br/>
<span class="text">This doesn't mean that I forgot about our talk though. It's just being suspended until tomorrow.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm not doing this in front of josh</span><br/>
<span class="text">Neither am I.</span><br/>
<span class="text">That's why it's going to happen tomorrow evening.</span><br/>
<span class="text">I don't think you understand how upset I've been because of you for the last three weeks.</span><br/>
<span class="text">You really, really screwed up Chris.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i know</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm sorry</span><br/>
<span class="text">Apologies alone aren't gonna cut it this time.</span><br/>
<span class="text">But I don't want to lose you to something as stupid as this.</span><br/>
<span class="text">As much as I've hated you </span><br/>
<span class="text">I've missed you way more.</span><br/>
<span class="greply">yeah</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i know</span><br/>
<span class="greply">me too</span><br/>
<span class="greply">i'm so sorry</span><br/>
<span class="time"><b>Yesterday</b> 11:23 PM</span><br/>
<span class="text">Good night <span class="goodnightA"></span></span><br/>
<span class="text">I'll see you tomorrow.</span><br/>
<span class="greply"><span class="goodnightC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">sweet dreams</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i've missed you so fucking much</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">i've never been this terrified in my life</span><br/>
<span class="error"></span><br/>
<span class="greply-error">but i can't wait to see you again</span><br/>
<span class="notsent"></span>
</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...so have i been kicked out of the Chrashley club yet?</p><p>(Fun fact! This wasn't even the original chapter 3! I've had something else entirely different planned since like April, and then like a mallet over the head, I realized that I could do this entirely from texts. This was a mere week before I even finished the last chapter.</p><p>The more you know!)</p><p>Edit: And if people happen to read these, I would greatly appreciate it if people can lessen the amount of comments I've been getting of just asking when the next chapter is going to be posted. I understand that you want to know what happens next—I do to!— but I always feel guilty that I don't have as much free time to write as I would like. I do post little updates on my progress every wednesday on my tumblr though at <a href="https://love-fireflysong.tumblr.com">love-fireflysong</a> so you can check out any and all sneak peeks there!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Stick a Needle (Straight Through Our Hearts)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So you know how I said that there was only one more chapter to go until this finished up? Yeah that was lie. And for those out there who wanted to smack or strangle Chris for his actions last chapter, let's just say that certain people would have had no objections had you tried...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header">Ash</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="greply">hey <span class="morningC"></span></span><br/>
<span class="greply">josh is just throwing the last couple of boxes into the truck</span><br/>
<span class="greply">should be there in a 15-20 min</span><br/>
<span class="text">Got it.</span></p>
</div><p>Chris stared at his phone, hoping and praying that Ashley would send him another text. So he wouldn't keep constantly rereading the two simple words she did send, and each of those feeling like the stab of a knife penetrating further and further into his heart. But after nearly five minutes of silence, he could only set his phone onto its dock and rest his forehead against the steering wheel of his truck, because he knew intrinsically now that he had gone and truly fucked up.  And yet, it wasn't the short and simple 'Got it.' that filled him with such dread. It was the text that she <i>didn't</i> send that made him want to crawl back under the covers of his bed and hide away from the rest of the world.</p><p>Namely, her sunflower emoji.</p><p>Because Chris knew that he deserved the short little message for the way he had been treating her for the last three weeks. He deserved all that and more. What she <i>should</i> have sent was a text detailing all the various ways he was a piece of shit and a stain upon the earth and that he was dead to her now (and therefore, better off dead in general). He had gotten off <i>easy</i>. But her obvious dismissal of their usual morning greetings? The greetings that the two of them <i>never</i> failed to send to the other?</p><p><i>That</i> was how Chris knew that he had definitely fucked up beyond all repair.</p><p>It didn't matter how angry the two of them got at each other, how easily exasperated they would and could get, they always, <i>always</i> respond with their own emoji to the other's morning or goodnight greetings. It was just one of those things that the two of them did. Like their pinky promises over ice cream and burgers, and their terms of endearments that formed as inside jokes about their texts, because Chris hadn't just been laying it on thick when he had texted her back in the library what felt like an eternity ago. He truly, honestly thought of her as 'the moon to his stars' and the 'flower of his heart'. Had for years in fact, ever since that day when the two of them had started sending those texts when they had both been given cell phones for the very first time.</p><p>Not that Chris could blame Ashley for not sending it though, not when he certainly hadn't sent <i>his</i> the last three weeks either. Sure, he still typed it out every morning and every evening, like some sort of twisted Pavlovian response formed after years and years of texting as a lovestruck teenager, but he never actually <i>sent</i> them. Mainly because he had been spending the first week terrified out of his fucking mind, and then the next couple being too much of a fucking coward to apologize for his actions that week.</p><p>The actions that involved avoiding her like the goddamn plague, and leaving her to scream and cry outside his dorm while he did the same from the safety of his bed. And it hadn't even been because of something <i>she</i> did for him to be treating her like that. Nope, that was all on him. All because of the shit <i>he</i> had pulled that Friday night. Or tried to pull. He was still a little unclear about what actually went down that evening if he was being honest. But no matter how it happened, Chris was very certain about one thing: he had tried to kiss her.</p><p>Not that he hadn't tried to remember of course, because he had. <i>Constantly.</i> All the time even. <i>Especially</i> before bed when he was safe with his head under his covers, and he could pray that everything that happened Friday June 5th and beyond had just been a horrible, horrible dream. And with nothing to lose while he waited for Josh to finish throwing in the last couple of boxes into the bed of the truck, Chris closed his eyes and tried to remember.</p><p>To be fair, everything <i>before</i> the quote-unquote 'kiss' was crystal clear. He's pretty sure that that particular moment in time embedded itself into his DNA and has become a part of him now, one that he will never forget for as long as he lives. Doesn't <i>want</i> to forget any of it if he's being really honest with himself. Never forget the weight of Ashley in his hands when caught her after she stumbled forwards and into him. Never forget how her warmth as he held her was more then enough to warm the rest of him. Never forget the feeling of her fingertips lightly brushing across his cheekbones when she put his glasses back onto his face. And he would certainly never forget how the sight of her face when he had been able to see clearly once again had taken his breath away. <i>That</i> he remembered exceptionally well in fact.</p><p>The sight of Ashley's face beaming at him so brightly that even in his half-awake, sleep-deprived state he had likened her to the sun appearing from behind the clouds after a fierce rainstorm; that she <i>was</i> the personification of the sun that he sent her every morning. The way her green eyes had sparkled with amusement, the corners of them crinkling the way they always did when she was exceptionally happy or pleased with herself. Her nose all scrunched up and cheeks pinking at the effort of keeping the wide, beaming smile on her face. The smile in question so wide and so large, that he had easily been able to make out the slight crookedness of her front teeth that her braces had never truly been able to fix. Some of her red hair had come undone from the messy ponytail she always wore when studying, the occasional strand falling unnoticed across her face. He had so desperately at the time wanted to push them back behind her ears, to let his fingers trace delicately around the shell of them as he had always wanted to. And in that instant, he had been so sure of exactly two things:</p><p>The first being that he had long ago accepted the fact that his pitiful crush on her meant that he had always thought she looked great, beautiful even. But now? With eyeliner and mascara that at some point had smudged all around her eyes while he had been sleeping? Her hair slowly coming loose from its ponytail (because Ashley never could stop playing with it when she studied) and now hanging wild around her head? She had been absolutely, literally <i>breathtaking</i> in that instant.</p><p>And second, and most important of all, he had never so badly in his life wanted to hold her face in his hands and kiss her the way he had dreamt of doing for years and years now.</p><p>Chris couldn't count the number of times he had replayed this scene over and over in his head for the last three weeks. Struggling and straining to remember <i>something</i> about the events afterword. Partly so he could recall what Ashley had done—though he suspected she had probably all but thrown him off of her—but mostly (to his utmost and never ending shame) so he could firmly catalogue what the sensation of <i>finally</i> kissing Ashley Brown had been like. If it had been as warm and soft as he always imagined it would be.</p><p>So he tries again, pretending that the grip and texture of the steering wheel beneath his hands is actually the soft fabric of the light sweater that Ashley had been wearing that night. She's staring at him, a wide smile on her face and he can see the laughter about to burst out of her as he blinks at her in shock and awe. And everything about Ashley in that moment is so perfect and so <i>her</i>, that he can't help but close his eyes and leaning in to close the space between them—</p><p>The sound of the passenger door to the truck opening has Chris shooting up in his seat in wide-eyed panic. While some of the panic was admittedly due to being startled awake from his failed recollections, most of it was thanks to the guilt of the messy combination of panic, horror, and shame swirling around in his gut. The same rapidly swelling emotions he had felt the very morning after, when he had woken up lying in his bed with the mid-morning sun shining brightly through the small gaps in his closed blinds and his phone's alarm screaming insistently at him as it hit him all at once that he had forced himself onto his best friend. The same emotions he had been experiencing every single following morning since.</p><p>"Alright, that was the last box. I think we're good to go." Josh closes the truck door with a slam and reaches behind him to grab at the seatbelt.</p><p>"You let Nic know that the place is all emptied out and ready for inspection?"</p><p>"I was gonna, but he was busy checking out you-know-who's dorm a few doors down..."</p><p>Chris only has to think over the layout of the building for a moment before he's wincing. "Julien's? Shit, no wonder you bailed."</p><p>"Yeah. So I just yelled in that the two of us were done and bailing now, praying the entire time that I wouldn't see anything that would make me want to burn my eyeballs out of my head." Josh gives a shudder. "Really didn't want to see a repeat of them at that last christmas party."</p><p>Chris groans and makes a face as he starts the truck and begins to pull out of the parking lot. "Oh god, I really didn't need you reminding me. Thought I had finally wiped that entire evening from my brain."</p><p>There's a snort from Josh, but Chris is too busy making sure not to back up into one of the vehicles that the other student's are loading their own stuff into that he doesn't see the accompanying expression. "Nope. If I gotta remember that night, then so do you. Can't think of anyone who deserves to remember the sight of Nic trying to swallow Jules' tongue more than you right now anyways."</p><p>Chris winces but doesn't refute it. Cause Ash certainly wasn't the only one upset at him for the way he had been acting the last few weeks, Josh has been absolutely furious with him ever since he came back from his sisters' Sunday evening. To the point that if Chris makes it out of this road trip back home having Josh, much less Ashley, still considering him as a friend, then he's going to be absolutely blown away at his luck. He knew that some people out there would find it insane that his best friend since the third grade is one hundred percent in Ashley's corner during all of this, but Chris would have honestly been pissed if Josh had even <i>tried</i> to be on his side for this one.</p><p>"So we heading back home now? Free from the horrors of school and that tiny ass dorm for a blissful couple of months before we're back again?"</p><p>"No, you know that we're stopping by to pick up Ash and her stuff first."</p><p>"Seriously? Well colour me surprised. Could have sworn that your ass would have wimped out and cancelled on her already. I mean, from my understanding, that that's all you've been doing so far: trying as hard as you possibly can to ruin everything between you two."</p><p>Is Josh being a total dick right now? Oh yeah. Is he absolutely right and Chris deserves every single barbed word he throws his way? Abso-<i>fucking</i>-lutely. So he doesn't even try to defend himself. "C'mon dude, you know there is no way I was just gonna leave her hanging like that." He catches Josh out of the corner of his eye reaching for his phone where it's charging on the dock. "What are you doing?"</p><p>"Checking to see if she tore you a new asshole for trying to cancel anyway." Before Chris can say a word, Josh's fingers are flying over his phone as he enters the passcode, but before he can click on the messanger app, he freezes. "Wait. Are you seriously telling me that even though you'll be lucky if Ash is ever gonna speak to you again after all this shit you've been pulling, the passcode to your phone is <i>still</i> her birthday?"</p><p>Chris doesn't even know how to respond to that. He's had Ashley's birthday as his passcode for so long, that he kind of forgot what the numbers even meant now. And the idea of even changing it now that he realizes, hurts way more then he would have expected, almost as bad as the lack of Ashley's earlier texts. And, honestly, changing it feels like he would be putting the last nail into the coffin that was once their friendship.</p><p>And if Josh expects an answer, he doesn't show it, instead giving a low whistle as he reads the exceptionally short exchange from only ten or so minutes prior. "Oh shit, she is <i>pissed</i> at you bro. I mean, can't say I blame her, but you are so dead."</p><p>Chris can't help the low, self-deprecating laugh; if you could even call it that. He sure didn't think so. "Tell me something I don't know."</p><p>"Well, I'm pretty sure that you already know this, but I'm gonna gonna go out on a limb cause you clearly need a reminder: you're such a fucking wimp it isn't even funny. I mean, these texts that you were too much of a pussy to send to her?" Josh continued to scroll up on the phone, past every single failed good morning and good night message, and was heading straight into that drunken and tear-stained rant Chris had typed out at nearly four in the morning. "You've gone all the way past sad and straight into pathetic."</p><p>Chris considered it a minor miracle that he managed to somehow not immediately slam on the brakes once he realized exactly what Josh was about to find. He's pretty sure that the only reason he didn't wasn’t just because it might mean an accident—it wasn't even the <i>main</i> reason—but because he had promised Ash that he would be there. And the last thing he needed to do right now, was give her another reason to hate him and think that he chickened out and abandoned her once again. So instead, he abruptly spins the steering wheel so he could swerve off into the empty parking lot in front of one of the school buildings (the Art Building he thinks), and then slammed onto the brakes there.</p><p>It was a good thing that they had both been wearing their seatbelts, the sudden force of the stop would have sent them straight into the windshield otherwise. Unfortunately, Josh was able to keep hold of the phone, even as he made a strangled and choked yelp. A shame that one. Sure, Chris definitely would have ended up with a broken and shattered phone (and possibly a hole in his windshield if he was <i>really</i> unlucky), but it was still a much better outcome then Josh reading all the ways Chris had fucked up with Ashley.</p><p>"Holy Hannibal, what the actual fuck Chris?!" Josh coughed out.</p><p>Chris ignored him to frantically make a grab for his phone. "Give me my phone Josh." And oh boy, there was no ignoring the absolute fear and panic in his voice. The sound of which only caused Josh to turn his body away and frantically scroll faster, eyes skimming and cataloguing every single text as he tried to absorb it all as quickly as he could, pausing for only a second to give Chris a shocked glance before he's back to his frantic scrolling . Chris practically rips of his seatbelt as he dives across to Josh's side of the vehicle. "Give me my fucking phone!"</p><p>"Literally nothing in here could make me lose more respect for you then I already have, so I don't know what you're so scared of me finding. And let's be real, nothing could be more embarrassing than that pathetic cry text novel I just read. Seriously, I know you'd been drinking pretty heavily that night, but how drunk were you when you ty—" Josh froze in a stunned pause, his fingers stilling for only a moment and his eyes narrowed in fury before he's back at it again, until he finally finds what Chris knows to be the beginning of the conversation and reverses his scrolling. Slowly moving down in the conversation, the rage on his face only darkening the longer he read. The only reason Josh hadn't begun to crack Chris's phone in an angry vice grip, was because Chris had finally found the opening he needed to reach across and yank his phone out of Josh's hands and into the safety of his pockets, but he knew that it was already too late.</p><p>He didn't have to guess what it was that Josh had read to send him shaking in barely suppressed rage, he knew <i>exactly</i>. It was the same thing that had Chris shaking in his own seat, struggling to hold back tears of shame.</p><p>"Well would you look at that, seems like I was wrong. Turns out that it <i>is</i> possible to lose the little remaining respect I had for you after all. In fact, I would say that you've gone all the way from pathetic straight to fucking despicable." Despite the way that Josh's face was clouded in rage, his voice was calm. Too calm even. "It sure does explain a few things though, don't it?</p><p>"Did you know that she had been texting me nonstop earlier that week? She was on a goddamn war path, asking if I knew where your ass was hiding out nearly every single fucking hour. Never told me why though. Figured that she was just finally taking my expert advice to heart and going straight on the offensive. I mean, I knew that you had been weirdly jumpy and downright miserable all that week, but I just assumed it was because you still weren't sleeping a whole lot and were stressed from your stupid assignment.</p><p>"So I decided that I would just be a super good and super supportive friend, and left that weekend to hang out with Hannah and Beth. Give her a chance to finally make a fucking move, and you'd both have the place all to yourselves for a couple of days if you decided to really work out all that tension between you two. It wasn't like Nic was gonna give three shits after all."</p><p>Chris continues to stay silent. Despite the calm and even tone that Josh had taken, the venom that had begun to drip off of every single word was only getting thicker and thicker the longer the one sided conversation went on. And he wanted to end it now, to start the truck back up and continue the drive to Ash's dorm, getting there before Josh inevitably starts screaming at him, but his hands are shaking too badly and his vision too blurry to even think about grabbing back onto the steering wheel.</p><p>"And what do I come back to instead? Ash ignoring all my texts about how her weekend went, and you drunk off your fucking ass, basically sobbing at the kitchen table. I mean, I had figured that you had somehow managed to fuck things up again, but you've really gone and set a new bar man, cause the shit that you actually pulled? That's so fucking low I don't even have the words to describe it.</p><p>"But hey, guess I finally got my answer. Turns out that the entire reason she had been hounding <i>my</i> ass in trying to find <i>yours</i>, was because you apparently kissed her! I would love say congrats, I really would, but instead you went and fucked it all up by avoiding her like the goddamn plague!"</p><p>"I don't know if I actually kissed her..." Chris weakly cuts in, but Josh basically slams his hand into Chris's face in an effort to cut him off.</p><p>"Oh no. I'm not done Christopher. Not even fucking close." Any semblance of calm that Josh had been holding onto was gone, had vanished the moment he had pulled out Chris's full name. He was all but screaming at Chris now. "Because that almost makes all of this worse! You're not even sure if you kissed the one fucking person that you've been in love with for basically as long as you've known each other, and you <i>still</i> ghosted her! But that's not all, when she comes over to confront you about all that bullshit you've been pulling, you decided to go the extra mile and <i>lock her out of our fucking dorm!</i></p><p>"And that's not even the worst thing that you did! Nope! Oh no no no!" Just as quickly as it had started though, Josh's angry tirade had stopped. The screaming replaced with his voice as low as Chris had ever heard it, Josh's righteous red-hot anger simmering below the surface, making the venom coating his words bubble and pop as it boiled. And that was even worse. "You wanna know what you did that was so low and so fucking despicable that you should be grateful that I'm not smashing your stupid face in as we speak?"</p><p>Chris's shamed silence was all the answer needed.</p><p>"You made her <i>promise</i> to leave your bitch ass alone."</p><p>Chris didn't even bother to respond. There was nothing he could have said to explain himself, so he didn't even try.</p><p>"That is just so fucking low Christopher." Josh hadn't called him Cochise since he had come back from his sisters' and found him drunk as a skunk, but today was the first time he had been angry enough to pull the full name card. "No one, <i>no one</i>, understands better then you how much Ash adores that stupid fucking promise bullshit the two of you do. And then you turned around and used it against her anyway? The one fucking thing that you knew she would honour even if it killed her? Do you even have any <i>idea</i> how much you sending that would have destroyed her?"</p><p>Chris did, in fact, have an idea. He had never hated himself more in his life than in that moment, and every single tap of an emoji had just sent his heart shattering into smaller, smaller pieces. So if Ashley receiving the texts had felt even half of what he did sending them?</p><p>Then he had absolutely, definitely, truly one hundred percent destroyed any chance of saving their friendship.</p><p>"So how are you going to fix this?"</p><p>Chris could only turn to look at Josh, confusion evident on his face. There was no way he had heard Josh correctly after all. "I'm sorry, what?"</p><p>Josh rolled his eyes. "I asked how you plan on fixing this shit."</p><p>The laugh that Chris gave was so hysterical and so unlike him, that he couldn't help but wonder for a moment if it was even him laughing in the first place. The longer he continued his frantic giggling the worse he felt, but he couldn't stop it no matter how hard he tried. He felt like he was going to be sick at any moment, so he placed his shaking hand on the handle of the truck door. Just in case.</p><p>"This isn't a joke, Chris!"</p><p>By this point, Josh's anger had mostly abated in his confusion at Chris's laughter. That being said, Chris could still very clearly hear the simmer of it in Josh's voice, the words clipped and abrupt, and not buried very far under the surface at all. It just made him laugh harder, to the point where he wasn't sure what was going to happen first: getting sick or bursting into tears.</p><p>Without another word, Chris opened his truck door and scrambled out into the completely empty parking lot, the sound of Josh's door opening not far behind. The moment his feet had touched pavement, Chris had doubled over with his hands on his knees, still stuck at that point of his laughter where sobbing and puking were about a 50/50 chance of likeliness. The tears starting to burn at the corner of his eyes foretold that a choice was about to made, though whether it was one he liked or not was still unclear. Between his bouts of hysterical laughter, Chris could hear Josh's footsteps as he walked around the truck, but that was also when the first painful sob ripped its way out of his throat.</p><p>He had resolved himself for whatever Josh had exited the vehicle to join him for. If hitting him made Josh happier and feel better, then Chris wasn't going to stop him—hell, being hit would probably make <i>him</i> feel better, too!—but it seemed that his legs had other plans. Almost the moment Josh had rounded the truck to his side, Chris's knees had given out and before he realized what had happened, found himself sitting on the ground, with his head between his knees and hands knotted on the back on his neck as he continued to choke out desperate sobs, the laughter now all but gone. Distantly, he heard Josh's footsteps stop in front of him, but he never could have called what actually happened next.</p><p>Chris had expected for Josh to maybe try to drag him back up to his feet and give him the punch they both knew that he deserved. Or maybe get into the truck and drive off without him to grab Ash, leaving him alone and abandoned in the deserted Art Building's parking lot amongst the litter and used cigarette butts where he belonged. He never anticipated Josh slowly sliding down the side of the truck to sit next to him.</p><p>Chris wasn't stupid. He knew that he had been on the verge of this meltdown for ages now. He had just hoped that he would be able to hold off on this until he was safe and home where he could break down in peace, and after Ash had finished reading him the riot act and declaring that the two of them were done being friends. Having it happen in the middle of a dirty and abandoned parking lot with Josh was not how he had planned for this to go.</p><p>He wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there in the deserted parking lot while they waited for his desperate and despondent wails and screams to lessen, but it was more than long enough for Chris to know that they were spending way too long sitting there. Certainly longer then he had ever really heard Josh not say anything before. Eventually, his breathing steadied enough that if Chris hadn't anticipated Josh joining him, then there was no way he would have guessed the words that came out of Josh's mouth next.</p><p>"You okay, dude?"</p><p>"Am I okay?" he finally managed to croak out, chest still heaving and his words wavering like an amateur surfer on the waves. "Am I okay? What do you fucking think Josh? You said it yourself, I've ruined <i>everything</i>. I figured that it was a great idea to <i>fucking force myself on my best friend</i>, and then decided that I was too much of a goddamn fucking coward to even talk to her about it. So I went ahead and refused to open our door while she cried and then abused her trust in me just so I could put off confronting her. So no, I'm not okay! She hates me. You hate me. <i>I</i> hate me. Hell, <i>everyone</i> probably hates me right now! And they should."</p><p>Josh sighed. "Ash doesn't hate you. I don't hate you either. We're both extremely  <i>pissed</i> at you, don't get me wrong, but neither of us hate you. So you really need to stop this whole 'wallowing in self-pity' bullshit you've got going on, cause I'm sick and tired of it. And if you have any hope of patching things up with Ash, you definitely need to stop."</p><p>"Did you not just hear a word I said? I've ruined everything! There is no way that she wants to fix things between us. Not after the shit I've done." Chris's voice got quiet and ashamed, as he stared at a small rock between his feet among the darkened pavement where his tears had fallen unhindered. "Not after the way I've been treating her."</p><p>"Except you're wrong dude. She does want to fix things. Badly, if I'm not mistaken."</p><p>"Well you are."</p><p>"Jesus Christ, Chris." Josh ran his hands down his face as he groaned loudly. "Did you not read the same text messages I did?"</p><p>Chris sputtered, finally stopping his inspection of the rock he wished he currently wished he was as he turned to look at Josh wide-eyed. Of course he had read them, numerous times in fact. And each reading only made him feel more like shit and more like everything in his life was hopeless. "What? Of course I—"</p><p>"Cause I'm starting to get the feeling we didn't. Even after you made her swear to leave you alone, she still tried <i>twice</i> to reach out to you for that stupid talk. And that's ignoring the fact that when her original plans for getting back home fell through, she reached out to you for help. Not me, not anyone else, <i>you</i>. I didn't even know that her mom had been forced to cancel until you texted to let me know that she was coming with us yesterday afternoon. Trust me, I doubled checked that shit to see if I missed a text myself."</p><p>Ash had said nothing to Josh? He had figured that she had texted Josh first, if only to get his help in guilting Chris if need be. And, honestly, he had assumed that he had been her absolute last resort because everyone else had declined. He had never even once assumed that he she hadn't even bothered to ask anyone else. Chris could already feel the first warm swirls in his gut as he realized that even after everything, he had been Ashley's first choice. He never would have thought that he would miss the warmth that always built up when he thought of her, but he had. And in a weird way, though the realization was making him feel lighter than he had in weeks, it was also making him feel almost <i>worse</i>.</p><p>"Gotta be honest though," Josh continued, unaware of the confliction wrestling in Chris's heart and gut, "don't know <i>why</i> you've been avoiding her. Like yeah, I get it, you kissed her—" and before Chris could interrupt "—but so what? That's quite literally the number one thing that you had been wanting to do for <i>years</i>. I would have thought that you two would be all over each other now. "
</p><p>"You just don't understand Josh—"</p><p>"I understand that for some reason you've been you've been terrified shitless of her."</p><p>Chris groaned as he sat up and leaned back against the truck with Josh, pushing up his glasses onto his forehead as he rubbed at his sore and undoubtedly red eyes. "It's not that I'm scared of <i>her</i>, cause I'm not. And don't give me that look." Chris didn't even have to look at Josh, years of friendship meant that he knew without a doubt that his best friend was giving him a look of completely tired disbelief. "<i>I'm not.</i> I'm scared shitless of what she's going to <i>say</i>. I know that she's gonna tear me to shreds, and that's fine cause I deserve it, but its what she's gonna say after all of that that I'm too much of a coward to face."</p><p>"Still not seeing the problem."</p><p>Chris removed his fingers and let his glasses fall awkwardly back into place, not even bothering to fix them as he turned to Josh stunned. "What do you mean you don't see the problem?! Isn't it obvious? There is <i>no way</i> that Ash is gonna do anything other than tell me that I'm an asshole for trying to kiss her in the first place and that I never had a hope in hell of dating her. Not then and certainly not now."</p><p>"...Starting to get the feeling that we're imagining two entirely different conversations here my dude." Chris could only give a flatly unimpressed look, but it was enough that Josh rolled his eyes and conceded. "Fine, fine. Why do you think that Ashley Brown of all people is going to shoot you down? Ignoring all that 'forcing yourself on her' bullshit, cause there is no way that she would ever refuse a kiss from <i>you</i> in the first place." The last little bit was given in a low and tired mumble, but Chris was still able to make it out.</p><p>Not that it made any sense to him of course. Even on his good days when he felt like he had a chance with her, he was still able to list a handful of reasons why Ash would never, ever want to kiss him. And this definitely wasn't one of the good days, hell it wasn't even a <i>bad</i> day. This was the worst couple of weeks he had ever lived in his entire life so he was pretty dang sure that he had less then a snowball's chance in hell with her right about now. But instead of listing every single reason out there (which would have easily outnumbered the amount of cigarette butts littering the entire parking lot) Chris only brought up the one reason that had been sitting at the forefront of his mind since that Friday afternoon all those weeks ago.</p><p>"Did you know that Ash has a crush on someone?"</p><p>Josh snorted a low laugh from out of his nose. "Uh, yeah. <i>Everyone</i> knows about that." And, as though realizing exactly who he was talking to, he gave Chris a suspicious side glance. "Wait, who do <i>you</i> think she has a crush on?"</p><p>"What do you mean everyone knows about that? And how long have you known?"</p><p>To Chris's shock, Josh just shrugged. "Fuck, I don't know anymore. Since I was like fourteen or something? But you're avoiding the question; who do you think she has a crush on?"</p><p>Wait, Josh had known since they were kids? Jesus Christ, how self-absorbed and hopeless had Chris been that he had been <i>that</i> blind?! With a defeated groan, Chris let his head fall back between his knees. "I mean, I figured it was someone in one of her Literature classes, but now I'm not so sure."</p><p>"Why the fuck would you think that?"</p><p>"Ryan said—"</p><p>"Who the hell is Ryan?"</p><p>"One of the guys I was working on that group project with. He said—"</p><p>Josh just continued to look at Chris like he had lost his mind. "Why in the fuck would one of your computer nerd friends know anything about who Ash has a crush on?"</p><p>"Cause he said that he overheard Jesús talking with Ash about her crush on someone."</p><p>"And you believed him? Why the fuck—wait." Josh furrowed his brow as a thought came to him. "Isn't that the name of the dude that Ash has been tutoring?"</p><p>"Yeah, it's the same guy. Ryan's been dating the dude since before I met him in my math course this year."</p><p>With a tired sigh, Josh placed his head into his hands. "So you're telling me that you just <i>so happened</i> to be working with the guy that's conveniently fucking the only dude that Ash just <i>so happened</i> to be tutoring? What kind of stupid ass story are you living right now?" Before Chris could even figure out how the hell he was supposed to answer <i>that</i>, Josh removed his head from his hands by dragging them roughly down his face. "Oh my god, don't tell me the reason you were so acting so goddamn cagey that Friday night was because you found out just before our study sesh with Ash."</p><p>Chris didn't tell him, which probably only confirmed it. Though the sudden thunking was enough for him to raise his head to find Josh rhythmically thumping the back of his head against the side of the truck. "Jesus fucking Christ—" each word was punctuated by soft thunk "—how in the fucking hell are the two of you so goddamn fucking <i>stupid!</i>" The last word was delivered with a thunk harder then any of the others, to the point that Chris was a little worried that Josh had managed to injure himself, but then Josh is on his feet and brushing off the seat of his pants. "Get up."</p><p>Chris did so with no further urging, though he was a little confused when Josh had started to shove him out of the way so he could reach for the driver's side door.</p><p>"What—"</p><p>"If you think for a second I'm letting you drive the rest of the way there, then you are out of your mind. Your hands haven't stopped shaking and you're white as a sheet. I don't know about you, but I would like to arrive at Ash's dorm alive personally. And the more near misses we can avoid on the way there the better."</p><p>Chris didn't even bother arguing, Josh was right and they both knew it. He was a nervous wreck and was liable to crash into anything if he wasn't careful. Still, even as he obediently stepped out of the way and got into the truck via the passenger side door, it felt weird that he wasn't going to be the one driving. Chris <i>always</i> drove the three of them anywhere. He wasn't too sure how or why it came to be, it was just the way it was.</p><p>Almost the moment after Chris put his seatbelt back on, he turned on his phone and winced at the time shown. Shit, it had been nearly thirty minutes since they had left to go and grab Ash, and she hadn't even bothered to send a text asking where the hell he was. Josh had been wrong, dead wrong. Ashley had realized that he wasn't actually coming to get her and had completely given up on him and had managed to find someone else to take her home and when they got there she was already going to be long gone and—</p><p>"You're gonna completely drain the power on your phone if you keep turning it on and off like that dude."</p><p>Startled, Chris looked back up at Josh who wasn't even looking at him as he pulled out of the parking lot to continue the remaining rest of the drive to Ashley's dorm. He hadn't even realized that he had been doing that until Josh brought it up. Sighing, he instead started turning the phone over nervously in his hand as he figured out how to even start composing an apologetic text to her that wouldn't come off as the begging he was actually doing.</p><p>"If you're trying to figure out what to tell Ash, don't bother. I already texted her and explained that we were gonna be a little late. Told her that Nic was busy so it was gonna take him a bit to come and do the inspection."</p><p>"Oh. Uh, thanks dude." He had probably done that while he waited until Chris had stopped crying. Was the only time he would have been able to send it really. "I appreciate it."</p><p>"You should, really saved your ass there. So I hope you appreciate my next words just as much: you should really clean yourself up before we get there. Cause you look like shit."</p><p>While Chris didn't doubt Josh's words, he still couldn't help but wince when he lowered the sun visor and caught looked at himself in the mirror. Shit, Josh hadn't been lying at all, he looked like, well, <i>shit</i>. Ignoring the fact that Chris had always been an exceptionally pasty-skinned nerd growing up, he had <i>never</i> seen his face that pale or drawn before. Or at least, the parts of his face that weren't red and blotchy from his crying. And seeing as he had never bothered to wipe away any of his tears, letting them drip down his nose and cheeks unhindered to the pavement below, there were two very large and very dry streaks running down his face, showcasing the exact path his tears had taken. And this wasn't even mentioning his eyes. They were horribly bloodshot and red, the heavy black bags under his eyes proving just how exhausted and stressed he still was.</p><p>Chris wordlessly opened the glove box to pull out the wipes that he kept in there. The amount of times that the three of them had gone out to buy and then eat the greasiest and stickiest food imaginable at the drop of a hat had made the presence of keeping at least a couple packages of these on hand a necessity. Josh said nothing as Chris tossed his glasses onto the dashboard and started the process of wiping his face clean. In fact, nothing more was said between them the entire rest of the drive, the only sounds being the occasional rip as Chris took another wipe and the low, quiet drone of the radio playing a song he didn't recognize.</p><p>Eventually, Josh stopped the truck just as Chris had finished cleaning his face and tossing the last of the used wipes into the back of the truck and shutting the glove compartment closed. He sighed heavily at the reflection in the mirror. The wipes had helped a little, cleaning the dried tear tracks if nothing else, and time had reduced the unnatural paleness of his skin to something closer to its normal, albeit still quite pale, shade. Even the red blotches had faded somewhat, but he was unable to do anything about his eyes; still just as bloodshot and as puffy as they had been before his quick clean up . Still, all in all it was a remarkable improvement over what had been there only minutes before.</p><p>He just had to hope that Ashley would mistake the puffiness around his eyes and the heavy bags beneath as him just being dead tired. And while not a lie, it was certainly not the truth.</p><p>"Well, here we are. Time to get this over with." Chris watched as Josh hopped easily out of the truck and hated how much he had to force himself to do the same. He wanted to do nothing more then sit and wait in the truck, to put off this inevitable meeting with Ash for as long as possible, but he was also very aware how much his cowardice had cost him already. So with shaky hands, he took a deep breath and opened the door to follow after Josh.</p><p>The two of the didn't get very far before Josh slowed his pace so he could throw his arm around Chris's shoulder good-naturedly. "Oh and just a heads up, but if when Ash opens the doors she come out fists flying, I will be holding you down so she can get a couple of free shots in."</p><p>Chris was surprised at the short bark of laughter that came out at that. Not at the sound, but just the fact that he had genuinely laughed in the first place. He honestly couldn't remember the last time he had made a laugh that hadn't been faked or forced. Had it been all those weeks ago, when he, Josh, and Ash had had supper while studying for their finals? Before he fucked everything up by trying to kiss her? He had a sinking feeling it was.</p><p>"Noted. Not that you'll need to hold me down, but I appreciate the warning in advance."</p><p>It seemed that Chris's laugh had caught the attention of Ash's roommate Darcy, who had looked up in the middle of shoving some boxes into the backseat of her car. He raised his hand in a subdued greeting, but was very quick to regret his choice when all Darcy did was narrow her eyes and take on the expression of one who had eaten an exceptionally sour lemon at the sight of Josh. And unfortunately, the movement of his arm had drawn Josh's attention as well, flipping her the bird as he gave her a wide, and extremely fake, smile in return.</p><p>"Marcie! Please tell me which classes you failed so bad that they had to finally kick you out. Or am I gonna be unlucky enough to have to endure another year with your ugly ass taking up precious oxygen in my class?"</p><p>"Pretty rich coming from the ass who's only here on daddy's dime. At least I got in on merits and good grades, and not because my family can simply buy me my diploma!"</p><p>"Oh man, remind me which one of us almost failed Cogni Psych again? Oh right, that was <i>you</i> wasn't it?"</p><p>Chris groaned loudly. While he was definitely the one who knew Darcy the least out of him, Josh, and Ash, it didn't take a genius to see that Ashley had <i>not</i> lucked out in the roomie draw this year. Not that Darcy was a horrible person of course, she seemed nice enough from the little he had been able to interact with her. Though the fact that both Ash and Darcy ran in different social circles had made things a little awkward at the beginning of the school year, but that had resolved itself quickly enough. No, the problem was Josh, particularly the fact that her and Josh couldn't stand each other. And Josh being Josh, he loved to do nothing more then push her buttons as hard as he could because of it.</p><p>So with an apology to Darcy, Chris threw off Josh's arm from around his shoulders to he could grab at it and dragged him away to leave her to pack her car in peace. Hoping and praying that she was going to be leaving soon, if only to avoid having to endure Josh and Darcy at each other's throats for the next twenty or so minutes. Having to deal with the two of them for five minutes was bad enough, Chris didn't know how any of their classmates survived considering they had unfortunately shared every class.</p><p>He didn't get very far before Josh stopped right before the stairs that led up to Ash's floor.</p><p>"Dude, seriously. I am so not in the mood for your bullshit with Darcy today, alright? Let's just grab Ash and get back home before someone feels the need to call the police because she finally gives in to her urge to kill you."</p><p>Josh ignored him. "Hey, you go on ahead. I'll catch up in a moment." And before Chris could say anything, namely that there was no way in hell he was gonna be able to confront Ashley alone, Josh had already ripped his arm out of Chris's grasp and walked away.</p><p>Chris could only stare at Josh as he pulled out his phone and walked around the building. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned to stare wide eyed and panicked at the door that lead to Ash's dorm. It would be so easy now. To just turn back around and go hide in the truck until Josh got back, but he knew he couldn't. So dragging up every ounce of courage he still had left inside of him, he laid a hand on the stair rail—gripping the old wooden railing so hard he could feel the paint chips and splinters digging into the palms oh his hands—and he took that first step, quickly followed by a second, and then the third.</p><p>Because as much as he was dreading this moment, seeing her face to face for the first time in three weeks, it would also be the first time he would be seeing her in three weeks. He had missed her so badly that he couldn't even put it into words. These past few weeks had given him a taste of what life without Ashley would be like, and he had hated every second of it. Even though she would definitely never look at him in the same way again, he wanted to have his best friend in his life. Needed to have her there with him. And if Josh was right and Ashley was somehow willing to give him even one more chance, then he was going to do whatever it took to fix this mess he had created.</p><p>In no time at all, he found himself standing in front of Ashley's door. So taking a deep and steadying breath, he resolved himself to do what he should have done all those weeks back when Ash had first sent him that text that they needed to talk.</p><p>He raised his fist and knocked on her door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just one more chapter to go, and I am 100% absolutely definitely being serious this time. So enjoy this ride while you can, cause it's almost over folks :)</p>
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